I wish I did the right thing every day. I wish I always said the right words, had the right responses, made the right comments, remembered the right quotes, and knew the right steps. I seem to be more familiar with the wrong ones and sometimes that makes navigating through this life really hard. Sometimes it’s so hard I want to give up and just cease to exist anymore. I know I’m not alone in these sentiments. There are just as many right moments as there are wrong, and I feel the joy of it as much as I feel the pain – we all do. Some of us are just more vocal about it than others.
The one thing I can’t imagine though is not having my best friends with me through this journey. I can’t help but think of the quote by Albert Camus that says, “Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”
While there are times I lead and other times I follow, but it’s walking together that counts. We enter this world alone. We will leave it alone. But, we’re not made to be alone. Even the most reclusive among us need human interaction at times. As with this Camus quote, I can see where friendships and relationships have failed in the past because I’ve done just that… led until no longer followed, and followed until I became lost. It wasn’t fair to my partners, and it wasn’t fair to me, and the consequence of the imbalance was the failure and dissolution of those relationships. I can’t fix them, only learn from them.
In this new phase of my life, I’m experiencing new relationships and friendships where my partners are wise enough and love me enough not to allow me to do either. When I try to follow, they stop and let me catch up. When I try to lead, they stop until I turn around to stand beside them. They love me as I am and don’t try to change me, yet inspire me to discover myself. They hold my hand when I’m scared to let me know everything will be okay and they’re not going anywhere. They refuse to let go when in fear I try to run. They meet me eye to eye and tell me the truth, not to hurt me but so I can walk in truth. They tilt my eyes toward the stars and teach me to dream. They share their frustrations, hopes, dreams, fears and faults, because I am also their friend and they walk beside me.
I tell them often how much I love them. They also tell me the same. They are truly the greatest treasures in this world, so precious, so rare, and I’m so blessed to know them. I’m so honored they have chosen me to be their friend. They are closer to me than any lover and more loving than any family member I’ve ever had. I still worry and fret about the things I cannot change or the fears that still sit in front of me, but I face them all with confidence because I know I’m not alone.
Till next time,