Beautiful Attitude

Beautiful Attitude

I’m so sleepy, I’m literally zoning in and out while I’m sitting at my desk.  I’ve had my coffee… it wasn’t enough.  While I’ve accomplished a lot at work today, I’ve also been sluggish.  But there’s this thought… bits of a conversation from yesterday, that’s been playing in the back of my mind and I’m going to share it here.

While playing Destiny with my gaming clan Omega Victrix Mortalis​, there was this young guy (early twenties) hopped into our fire team and game chat.  He was someone a few of us had met before from a rival clan (gamer tag GasMasked (something like that) fka ToxicGhost). Not that this other clan is a rival, because really they’re not, it’s just one formed from former clan members where the the split wasn’t amenable.

Anyway, he jumped into a fire team with me and my clan leader and we played through some missions and strikes.  No big deal, everybody seemed to be getting along great and we were getting things done.  Now, Gasbag (that’s my new name for him) started talking about the male/female ratio at his college and how his chances of finding chicks to hook up with were in his favor. I didn’t have any problem with what he was saying, but I simply made a statement that it wasn’t really an accomplishment when there was an average of 20 females to each male, and many of girls being eliminated through the process of dismissing awkward geeks that aren’t really in the gene pool or in the running for the guy’s attention.  I simply stated that it would be considered much more of a conquest if the odds were flipped… and there were 20 guys to each female.  There would be more reason to puff out your chest and walk around with a little swagger.

He must have got offended. He made a few comments about ONLY hooking up with supermodel-looking girls (yeah.. all other college kids claim the same thing) and how he had standards.  I’m assuming his standards are not in morality or personality, but in physical appearances only.  So, he threw in that these potential hookups had to be highly intelligent.  So, by his confession, he only hooks up (not date, fall in love or have a relationship with – which makes me wonder WHY they need to be smart?  You don’t have to be smart to have sex, especially with a dumbass… anyway, continuing) – with nerdy supermodels.  Sure, I get it.  That’s every guy’s fantasy.  At least that’s probably the most popular porn scenario.

Anyway, the day went on, he was supposed to go running (for 3 hours he kept saying he wanted to go run but never left), and other members of my online gaming clan joined our party and fire team.  He seemed to have went quiet.  Then, I leave the fire team to join two of my other friends in a particular mission and a few minutes later one of my clan mates tells me that when I left the party with this gasbag in it, he goes on a tirade saying that he couldn’t stand me because of my attitude and how I acted like I was the most beautiful thing in the world, but he thought I was so ugly he wouldn’t even fuck me with a bag over my head.

I laughed. My boys (about a dozen of my clan members ages 10-45 who were in the party with me when I was told what Gasbag had said) also laughed. It was funny.  Perhaps I was supposed to cry?  It’s as if this little prick thought he had any chance in hell of ever hooking up with me, bag or no bag.  But it did get me thinking…  wondering what was it that really got him angry and caused him to lash out like that?  Also, I’d like to say… if you’re in a party chat and you want to cut someone down, it’s not a good idea to do it in a group of people that like and are friends with the person you’re cutting down. Just sayin’. This dude just got blocked by a dozen or so players. I’ll never play with him again.  He’d probably need a bag for that too.

First of all… I wasn’t hitting on this kid.  I was minding my business, hanging out with my friends, completing my missions, etc.  He’s the one that wanted to play and chat with me, or with us.  What was he really angry about?  Sure, I don’t think I’m Megan Fox (the girl of his dreams and according to him all the girls he hooks up with look like her), but I seriously doubt I require a bag. To each his own.  But, why did my ‘ugliness’ offend him so much.  Then I thought about the first words of his rant… it wasn’t about how I looked (that’s how it finished), but it was about how he hated the way I ACTED, confident in myself that I was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but how I was sorely mistaken because he neither found me beautiful nor intelligent… not even fuck worthy with a bag over my head. It seems his intent was to attack my confidence and degrade my self-worth, but why?  Of course his attempts failed because (perhaps due to his age) my confidence and self-worth doesn’t come from what anyone else thinks of me, but from how I feel and think of myself.  Another’s scales are not mine; I have my own set.

This gasbag (I call him this because he’s full of hot air) doesn’t know me and it’s clear that he had no intention of getting to know me.  I don’t care.  But, what he did and the way he spoke about me (he said what he said behind my back, not to my face) is the way I see a lot of guys speak about a lot of girls, and vice versa.  Why does one person feel the need to tear down another?  I’m not talking about not speaking truths that may hurt, but are used to help a person grow in maturity and wisdom, but I’m talking about small talks that are aimed at destroying, hurting, demeaning with an intent to dehumanize and demoralized someone.  Isn’t this world ugly enough already?  Why not see the beauty in a person and lift them up instead?  You don’t know what they might have been going through, what kind of hurts and pains they may have been carrying, what mountain’s they’ve had to climb to get where they are.

I seriously doubt this kid really objectifies women the way he did yesterday, at least I hope he doesn’t.  I hope he finds a good woman that will love him and treat him with kindness, goodness, and generosity so he can see women are much more valuable than serving merely as a hookup.  Some of us just want to be a friend. I didn’t know simply talking to a guy was an audition. Perhaps I’m just too old (another jab he took) and don’t give a shit.  LOL!

Till next time,

~KV Kvothe

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