Posts Tagged With: Audrey Hepburn

The Business of Being Happy


The Business of Being Happy

There’s only one person that can truly make us happy, and that’s our self. While others can influence us, inspire us, encourage us, or detour us, we are ultimately in control of how we allow others to affect us.

I have had some happy moments because of my interaction with others. My children have made me happy. My loves have made me happy. My soul mate has made me happy. My friends have made me happy. Well… they’ve created moments that have led to me accepting that happiness. At the same time, they have also led to moments of great pain. But my happiness and my pain have all been in my control, by what I’ve allowed to affect me. I’ve recently went through a period of great happiness, followed by a period of great pain and stress. I’m tired of being hurt. I’m tired of being stressed. I’ve decided to get back to the business of being happy.

I wish I could tell you it was a simple as that… to just decide and then *poof* it’s done. But, making the decision in only the first step. As I blogged yesterday, part of the path to happiness is changing my atmosphere. Change what music I listen, what foods I eat, what activities I participate, what is the state of my health and fitness, and what company I keep. All these things contribute to the business of being happy. I can’t reach that state of happiness working in or on just one of these areas.

Happiness is about balance, an equilibrium within my heart, mind, body, and soul.  When one is injured, damaged, abused, or neglected, it affects them all. Life is too short to allow my heartaches and disappointments to keep me from reaching or fulfilling my potential. I’ve got too many things to do, too many dreams to chase, too much life to live to allow these pains to steal all my joy. The Word says there is a time for everything under the sun… a time to mourn, a time to grieve, a time let the pain out… but there’s also time to pick myself back up and get back to the business of being happy. I was created for a purpose, I have a dream, a plan, a vision, and that is to live my life to its fullest, and its time I got back to it.

I really don’t understand laziness.  I understand taking time to just relax and let your body, mind and soul rest.  While most of the time I can’t sit still for more than an hour, I can at times spend all day in bed binge watching or reading. What I don’t understand is laziness in the form of a lack of drive, of not having a goal, a plan, a vision, or a dream.  I don’t understand the concept of procrastination and just drifting by and surviving the day, letting the world and circumstances dictate what happens in our lives.  Why on earth would we give that kind of control to chance? 

I also really don’t understand the concept of being reactive compared to being proactive.  I can’t grasp the mindset of spending all my time and effort chasing the chaos. I’ve been on this earth long enough, and intimately acquainted with Murphy, to know that SHIT HAPPENS.  If we drift through life always reacting, believe me – life will continuously keep throwing shit at us, spiraling our lives out of control, sending us into places, circumstances, and situations we never wanted to be a part.  But when we don’t take control and plan, and then do the hard things necessary to move those plans into action, then we cannot be proactive and are constantly moving from one disaster to another.

Getting back to the business of being happy, there’s no room for laziness or a reactive mind set.  Being happy has a lot to do with having purpose and then doing what is needed to fulfill that purpose.  Work isn’t work when you’re working with purpose or for a purpose.  It only brings us down when the effort we are expelling is only to meet a need.  If we work just to pay the bills, to survive from one paycheck to another, yet not LIVING in the moment, then we will despise what we do and hate every moment.  But, when we work because we have a goal, a vision, a dream, or a purpose, then what we do isn’t draining.  We don’t wake up in the morning groaning and despising having to get dressed and go. If that’s our mornings, we need to remind ourselves it’s not our jobs we hate or that makes us unhappy, it’s our state of mind, happiness, and purpose.  I don’t particularly love my job, but I like the opportunities it provides.  

I’m happy, because I’m happy with myself.  I can look at my image in the mirror and smile, because I love the woman I am and have become.  I am proud of myself. I’ve been through hell and back, been knocked down so many times, but I keep getting back up.  I’ve been rejected, unloved, and unwanted, yet I continue to hope, to love, and to dream.  I’ve made a lot of mistakes, done shameful things, but I’ve worked hard making amends, facing my demons, and repenting for my sins. I’ve learned from my mistakes.  I’m my own hero. If no one else on this planet thinks I’m amazing or worthy of their love, their time, or their attention, well… that’s their loss, because I think I’m pretty damned amazing.  It’s time I got back to it, too.  Call me arrogant, but not too many people are going to be able to keep up with me in these coming days, because I’m back to the business of being happy, of chasing dreams, and of living life out loud.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, blogging, Dream, Dreams, Faith, family, friends, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, memes, Muses, music, Philosophy, Quotes, relationship, Relationships, respect, Romantic, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , | Leave a comment

I Believe in Pink

A flower I picked while walking through the beautiful city of Lacey, Washington

A flower I picked while walking through the beautiful city of Lacey, Washington

I’m good at a lot of things and have achieved many accomplishments in my life.  I’m proud of each one.  Just this weekend I reached a huge milestone in my weight loss and fitness regime, exceeding my 50lb goal.  I’ve lost four dress sizes in just six short months.  I’m more energetic, mobile, and happier with myself and my body.  Much of my successes, like this recent weight loss, often become a reality through hard struggles and a lot of perseverance.  The confidence I have to tackle major obstacles in this and other areas is astounding.  Yet before you go and think I have everything together, there is one area of my life I’m very weak …building, maintaining and keeping relationships.

There are a lot of hurting people in this world.  I know I’m not the only one who has gone through something hard or tragic, or face difficulty with issues of trust.  Because we all have individual experiences, personal traumas, and unique circumstances, there is often a lot of miscommunication.  While I’m a great debater, operate in an excellent and professional manner in business dealings, I misunderstand and struggle when it comes to clear communication in relationships.  I know why – I operate out of fear instead of confidence.  But knowing something and having the strength to change it in my life are two different things.

I’ve recently been told I’m pessimistic and hold my friends to impossible standards.  I’ve had very close friends tell me they fear making mistakes and therefore losing my support and friendship.  I’ve had other friends tell me I’m judgmental and tolerate nothing less than perfection.

This hurt to hear.  For days I’ve thought of almost nothing else. I literally curled in a ball all day yesterday thinking back over my recent relationships and hate some of the choices and actions I’ve taken. I don’t agree with this assessment, but knowing how I fail at communication in the area of relationships, I can see how my friends have come to these conclusions.  It really breaks my heart to hear these things, because in MY mind and heart, I have only hope, love and positive inspiration toward them all.  I love them greatly.  I admire them so much.  I draw strength from them. They inspire me, push me, make me feel loved and appreciated.  I thought I did the same for them.

In my mind, I push for excellence, not to hold them to impossible standards, but to see them step into the possible and reach their dreams.  I don’t judge their choices when I disagree with them, but only desire to warn them against things I fear will hurt them, that have hurt me.  I don’t expect them to be perfect and never make mistakes; we all fall.  But, I do expect them to never give up.  I tend to focus on areas that pose the most potential damage and danger, so I can see now how that would make me seem pessimistic.  But, I have such great hope and optimistic expectations.

But, there is one area I suppose makes me a hypocrite – when someone hurts me, I run away from that relationship.  That’s my way of protecting me.  I couldn’t walk away from the pain when I was a child, so I learned to run as an adult. I don’t run from these relationships because THEY have let me down, but most often because I feel I have let them down, failed them, and failed to protect me.  I suppose from the outside, it looks like I don’t care and can easily turn away from those I claimed to care about most, when it’s the opposite.  I run because it hurts too much and care about them deeply.

But how do I effectively communicate that truth?  My actions can tell a different story, appear to have a different motive and continue to cause fear and confusion.  I want my friends to trust me as much as I want to trust them.  Just as I’m working on my health, to adjust bad eating habits, introduce healthy dietary and physical habits into my life, I’m also working on bad emotional habits.  I just hope I don’t lose all my friends before I learn how to effectively communicate how much I love them.

I agree with all of Audrey’s assessments above.  I too believe in pink, laughing is the best calorie burner, in kissing, in being strong, happiness is beautiful, tomorrow is another day full of hope and I too believe in miracles… the miracle of good friends.   I’m sorry to all my friends who I’ve ever made to feel they’ve let me down or couldn’t live up to my standards, and especially to those from whom I’ve walked away.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray


Categories: Inspirational, Musing, Spiritual, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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