Posts Tagged With: Failure

Good – Get After It

You’re probably going to see this a lot in the near future, because when I heard Jocko Willink give this little speech on his podcast on YouTube, it hit me – deep in my bones and it’s burning it’s way into the center of my soul.  I hear Jocko’s voice, but I feel God’s prodding.

Listen to it.

Listen to it again.

Listen to it every morning when you first wake up.

Listen to it with your heart and soul.

Listen to it with purpose.

Listen to it until you get it.

Then, when you get it …listen to it some more.

This speaks to the Warrior in me.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Hop, blogging, Dream, Fairy Tale, Faith, family, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, Muses, music, Philosophy, poem, Quotes, relationship, Relationships, respect, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment



Everyone desires to succeed in …everything. No one faces their hopes, dreams, or responsibilities in life with the expectation of failure. That is one way that makes us all similar to one another.  Even from the depths of drug addiction, to the height of financial, educational or titled climb, to being surrounded and well loved by family, to invention, to achievement, to taking our first steps, to beating disease, to finding love – we all desire to succeed. Not one of us wakes up every day seeking ways to fail. Our differences come from our ideas of ‘how’ to succeed.

I’ve met many people throughout my life that have obtained great success, and I’ve met many more who have known nothing but one failure after the next.  One is no greater of a human being than the other.  In what we succeed or fail doesn’t shape our character or define our moral center, but “how” we go about succeeding or failing, makes ALL the difference and is the DNA of our character. You can tell me a million ways, until you’re blue in the face, until the cows come home, or any other metaphor you want to use, that you’re a good and kind person with good intentions, yet your actions are selfish and cruel, you are NOT a good person. If you blame others for your failures, or tear others down, you are NOT a good person. If in order for you to rise you must step on someone else, you are NOT a good person. I may not be perfect, and I may not always be to blame for everything that goes wrong in my life, but one thing I will never do is tear someone else down in order for me to rise. I will not do it to family, loved ones, co-workers, friends or even ex-lovers.  My God has taught me a deeper lesson than the one the world shows on a constant basis.

I am currently at my lowest depths when it comes to failure and success.  I recently lost my step-kids, my soul mate, my dogs, a life and a family I had chosen, and the only father I had ever respected and loved. I sacrificed many successful things in my life to choose them, but I would sacrifice those things all over again for them. I have no regrets of anything I laid down for them, because “they” were my success.  Loving them was my goal and my choice.  I failed.  Yes, I understand it takes two to make a relationship work. It was just as much their responsibility to love and choose me back. I can’t take responsibility for their choices, I can only take responsibility for my own. I made mistakes, but loving them and choosing them was not one of them.  They were far from perfect, but I will never tear them down in order to justify the failure of our relationship.  I’ve already lost them, what good would come from dwelling on their faults or failures? What good would come from tearing them down? What good would come from blaming them or hating them? How can I rise if my focus is to tear them down? I can’t.  I rise by looking up.  I rise by focusing on the love we had and shared.  I rise remembering the good.  That doesn’t mean I deny the pain, the truth, or the issues we all had. No – by no means.  There were issues, really major issues and I believe more than anything in this world that only facing the truth of an issue can anyone ever defeat and overcome them.  There’s a lot of denial of some major issues, and that denial caused a lot of damage and a lot of pain. I can’t change that – I couldn’t change it – I failed – we failed.  But, what I can change is how I let the pain affect ME. I want to rise.  I want to breathe, I want to hope for a better day a better tomorrow, and I know I can’t find that success if I’m too busy trying to tear someone else down.

I will not speak of EX negatively.  Yes, he has his faults, many faults, but it’s not my job to inform the world of them. I won’t deny the truth, even the ugly parts of the truth, but I will not tear anyone else down in order to justify myself. I will not blame HIM for OUR failure.  I love him. I will always love him. I love them and I will always love them. I don’t want them to fail just because I am not with them anymore. I want them to succeed in life. I want them to be happy. I want them to be healthy, and free, and loved, and be good people.  I want to be happy and successful and free.  So, maybe I’m odd and don’t swim like the rest of the world, but I want to rise out of this pain. I want to rise off this floor and fly once again.  My flight doesn’t require climbing over someone else, it only requires spreading my wings and looking up.  Spreading your wings makes you vulnerable, but it’s the only way to catch the wind and rise.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, blogging, Dream, Faith, family, Hope, Hurt, Inspirational, Life, love, Muses, Philosophy, relationship, Relationships, respect, Romantic, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Failures or Cowards?

Failures or Cowards

What is a failure really?  Does not being able to complete a task that we dare to accomplish translate as a failure?  When a relationship breaks down and we separate is that also a failure?

I have my different definition for failure, or else I still have yet to find the correct correlating word. Failure to me is simply being too afraid to try. Allowing an opportunity to pass, that’s failure. Having tried something and it fall apart or tear to pieces isn’t failure – that’s understanding and discovering how something doesn’t work.

When it comes to relationships I watch so many people build emotional walls because they’re afraid of failure. Having had a relationship that didn’t work, they believe themselves proverbial failures. But they’re not. They’re simply cowards. I don’t want to be a coward.

I know this fear because I face it every day. I don’t want to build the same walls. I do want to protect myself from the pain that comes from a broken relationship, but not at the cost of isolation.  I want to run. I want to hide. I want to believe I’m better off not loving in the first place than taking the risk of loving again and getting hurt even more than I am now. That’s the easy thing. It’s not what winners do, it’s what failures do.

I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’ve never failed. I’ve had things fall apart, situations cost me everything, relationships tear me to pieces, but I’ve always tried – again and again and again and again until I discover what works. I face things that scare me. I risk everything for my dreams. I don’t just talk about doing things… I do them. I may complain and whine and cry and pitch a fit in the middle of my fear, but I still jump, I still leap, and I still take the gamble. I may not be showered in riches or exude what the world defines as success, but I’m a winner because I have the courage to try – again and again and again.

E.E. Cummings says, “It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.”

John Wooden says, “Success is never final, failure is never fatal. It is courage that counts.”

Mark Twain says, “With courage, you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be passionate, and the wisdom to be humble. Courage is the foundation of integrity.”

Albert Einstein says, “You never fail until you stop trying.”

Cormac McCarthy says, “Long before the morning, I knew that what I was seeking to discover was a thing I’d always known, that all courage was a thing of constancy. That it is always himself that the coward abandoned first. After this all other betrayals comes easy.”

This quote moves me most, because I’ve seen it in action too many times. We often think our betrayals are of the other person, but what we don’t often realize is that we’ve first betrayed ourselves. The secrets, the lies, the guilt, the shame, it all comes after we’ve betrayed ourselves.  This is what I fear most, that I will betray ME, that I will let ME down, that I will fail ME, that I will allow a coward to come into my life and drag me down into failure. It is for this purpose I continue to try and have become particular who I allow into my life – because I deserve the best, I deserve success, I deserve love, and I deserve happiness. I deserve to be with a winner. As long as I keep seeking these things and never stop, I’m not a failure. Finding or not finding isn’t the prize, the measure of success, or where living is done – but life, character, courage and success are found in the process.

I’m not a coward; therefore I am not a failure.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: Blog Post, Inspirational, Instructional, Musing, Quotes, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

Hope Rises

Quote & Photo  by T.L. Gray

Quote & Photo by T.L. Gray

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Don’t Fall Back – Push Forward


I’m afraid of a lot of things, because life is filled with a lot of uncertainty and in the middle of adversity I have been hurt.  However, one thing I’m certain is that I walk through this world with my eyes and heart wide open and my observations and opinions, failures and successes, are my own.  Fear makes me cautious, but it doesn’t stop me. I’m not afraid to fail or get hurt; I’m more afraid not to try, not to learn, or not to experience.

I’ve been through a lot of changes over the years and my mistakes are countless, but there’s one thing that hasn’t changed, and that’s my authenticity or my devotion.  I’ve been wrong, I’ve been narrow-minded, I’ve been naïve, and I’ve been mistaken, but I’ve always been honest… to myself and to others.  This is dangerous because it allows my heart and soul to be exposed and possibly hurt, and I have been hurt – a lot.  Yet I can’t bring myself to live any other way.

I’ve been rejected, but I can’t allow rejection to stop me from trying again.  Someday I’ll be accepted.

I’ve been let down by those who should have been there for me most, but I can’t allow that to stop me from ever depending on someone else.  Someday, someone will be there when I need them.

I’ve watched portions of my dreams being shattered like glass, but I can’t allow that to stop me from reaching for more dreams or putting those shattered pieces together.  Someday I’ll walk in their fulfillment.

Not everybody sees the world the same.  Not everybody responds to the hurts, pains and disappointments with the same measure.  Our natural reactions to pain, disappointment, or failure are to close our eyes and build a tall wall around our hearts. Most often we cling to philosophies and opinions of others because we no longer trust our own decisions.  WE CAN’T DO THAT!

I’ve learned…

If you’re heartbroken …the best way to heal from that pain is to put your heart back out there, don’t hide it away. YES, you can make a wrong decision and it can get hurt again, but it can also get filled.  Hiding it away builds an unhealthy pattern and you can become rigid and spend your life alone and bitter, or going from one meaningless relationship to the next. It’s meaningless because you don’t allow your heart to become invested.

If you’ve failed at something …immediately start working on it again or jump into something new. Don’t step back and become afraid to try something else, because you can very well become too afraid to ever try anything again.

We’re often told to take a step back to give our hearts a chance to heal. Let me tell you, as someone who has endured a lot of pain, failure, disappointment, setbacks, heartache and abuse… I’ve never healed by stepping back – only by pushing forward.  I’ve never succeeded by sitting down after a defeat – only by grabbing the next opportunity.

And as for matters of the heart …I’ve given it my best shot, invested everything thing I had, loved openly and honestly and failed miserably… and the only way I know how to heal from that is to open my wounded heart to love again.  I WANT to build walls, push away and run like hell. I receive advice almost on a daily basis to step back, put up walls, set boundaries, to give myself time to heal.  I’ve spent the last couple of decades learning to love myself and open my heart… and I’ll be damned if I’m going to start closing it now.  Is that a mistake?  Only time will tell.

I’m moving forward… in my career, my passion, my dream and my heart. I apologize now for those around me who can’t do the same, because I may just have to leave you behind so you don’t hold me back. I can’t allow someone else to stop me from moving forward. I’ve just escaped that… and cannot allow it. This is ME seeing things in MY OWN eyes and feeling with MY OWN heart.  I may be wrong, but it’s my honest thoughts.  I may fail today, but if I do, I’ll get up again tomorrow.  You never know …I may just succeed.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: Inspirational, Musing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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