Posts Tagged With: Life Goals

Directions

Directions

Ever had a destination, a goal, an objective, or something that needed to get done or somewhere you needed to be in life?  I can tell you won’t arrive by accident, it won’t happen on its own power, and I still haven’t figured out how to teleport like Harry Potter, so more than likely neither have you. No, the only way we can get to a particular goal/destination is directions.  We need directions. We need a roadmap to the destination of our goals.

I like to think of myself somewhat a gypsy, but that’s only wishful thinking.  I’m strategic, analytical, observant, scientific, and rational.  My free spirit I leave to my painting, but even in that – it’s still organized, planned, and executed.  Okay, I take it back. I’m NOTHING like a gypsy.

I have goals. If this damned pandemic doesn’t kill me, there’s still a lot of things left that I want to do, and the only way I know how to get them done, the only way that I’ve achieved the goals and destinations before this – was to make a plan and then carefully map out the directions to achieve the end goal.

So, I think it’s time I start making those plans again.  My problem isn’t that I don’t have any dreams, any plans, any wants, or any destinations, but that I have too many and need to make a decision and narrow them down.

It’s time.

One of those goals – is get back to this blog.

Here we go – step one – I blogged today.

Next direction in my goal for blogging – blog tomorrow.

Until tomorrow,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, blogging, Dream, Dreams, Fairy Tale, Faith, friends, Health & Fitness, Hope, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, memes, Philosophy, poem, Poetry, Quotes, Relationships, respect, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Keep Moving

Keep Moving

While my imagination loves fairy tales, magic, and the miraculous, my mind understands reality, and the reality is that if I want something or I want something to happen in my life I have to do it, to make it happen, make the choices needed, and then act on them.  Money doesn’t just magically appear in my bank account – never, not once did I find any extra currency in there – though I swear often that there’s an invisible troll taking a toll every time I use it.  Fat doesn’t magically dissolve in my body, though I sometimes think it magically appears. We know that isn’t the truth either.  Relationship’s don’t just begin or end without effort and/or neglect.  That reminds me of a meme I saw one time about cheating where a guy trips and falls on top of a woman exclaiming, “It was an accident!”  No, the accident happened with the momentum of texting, talking, smiling, and flirting.  That’s when the cheating first began.  By the time he ‘tripped’, he was already deep into the betrayal. There’s no accident about it.

What I’m trying to convey here is that I have to make a plan and set goals, make preparations for those plans and goals, make the choices that will help me achieve those plans and goals, and then have the strength and discipline to fulfill them regardless of how I feel or of convenience.  Nothing just magically happens.  Check marks don’t just appear.  Yes, sometimes the universe will bring me a surprise, but for the most part there are laws that govern this world much the way our natural laws govern our science and nature.  Facts are facts. Those laws are that we reap what we’ve sown.  The key is …we have to sow. We have to plant. We have to water. We have to make sure we get the right amount of sunlight.  We have to protect our gardens.  We have to pull up our own weeds.  We have to make sure we put the right kind of shit in the ground. We can’t plant one thing, yet expect it to grow something else, though we do. Man, I can’t tell you how many times I see this on a daily basis – this belief in reverse magic, in magical harvests, in expecting and wanting what we didn’t plant, earn or deserve.  It’s crazy.  Our society is so franchised, so drive-through, so … I want it my way, and I want it now, but don’t ask me to plant, grow, etc. I want YOU to prepare it for me.  I just want to lay back in my perfect body, consume what I want, when I want, not face a consequence, not lift a finger, not work for it, and yet have the strength and blessings of the gods.  How arrogant we are.  Yet, we will tell ourselves that’s NOT what we expect.

Come on, be real. Isn’t it what we expect?

This world is a beautiful and ugly place at the same time.  Over the past few weeks I have seen many, many, many examples of love, compassion, charity, respect, and bravery from people – and I’ve seen selfishness, hate, fear, depravity and gluttonous greed. Life is complex and complicated in its simplicity.  But somewhere in the balance there is peace.

I have to keep moving. I have to keep working, and hoping, and praying, and expecting, and sowing, and reaping.  I have to keep making choices every day that are going to help me or hinder me, bring me life or frustration, to help me thrive or knock me off course. If I fall, I have to choose to get back up.  If I run, I have to learn to rest.  If I fear, I have to be brave.  If I’m empty, I have to fill myself. If I have the opportunity to love, I choose love. I have to keep dreaming, I have to keep planning, and I have to keep seeking my balance, my peace, and my happiness.  As much as I wish I could say a magic word and it be done, I know that’s not the reality of it – and I have to keep moving.  In this selfish world, my joy comes from choosing to love, to find purpose, to give, and to serve.  I have to choose it. I have to do it.  I decide to make my bed first thing in the morning, to love instead of run in fear, and then take the next step, and then the step after that, and so on.  I have to keep moving – THAT’s when I’m most happy.

 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, blogging, Fairy Tale, Faith, family, friends, Life, love, memes, Muses, Philosophy, relationship, Relationships, respect, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Whatever It Takes

whatever-it-takes

 

How many of us say this, and convince ourselves we believe it, but don’t do it?  Will I really do ‘whatever’ it takes?  How about when it gets hard? When no one else believes and supports me? When there’s no reward? No accolades? When it hurts? When it costs? When it requires me to give up someone or something else I love? When it doesn’t match my dreams or imagination?

Right now I’ve been doing this new workout program my boyfriend created for me. I suffer. It hurts me. It pushes me. I have to fight the fifty excuses screaming at me every morning, telling me to go back to bed, taunting me that it isn’t working, I’m wasting my time.  Yes, knowing I’m about to go suffer, I get up, put on my gym clothes, tie my hair in a ponytail, and then drive to the gym.  EVERY exercise hurts, and then the last of each set where I have to take myself to muscle failure – makes me want to throw up. But, I do WHATEVER it takes. I quit focusing on the pain I’m feeling and KNOW I’m going to feel throughout the day and then what I’m going to feel through the night and tomorrow, and focus on the next success.

Do I love to suffer or feel pain? Hell NO!  But, what I do love more than the pain and suffering is being strong, healthy, and active.  I’m 48. My body is ready to start resting, slow down, take it easy – but I’m not.  I’ve got too many dreams, too many things I still have yet to do.

I got pissed off and frustrated the other day because I wasn’t strong enough to carry my kayak on my own.  I’m going to fix that problem, watch me. I’ll do whatever it takes. I haven’t figured it out yet, but I’m thinking about it. I love to kayak, I have a kayak, I have an SUV to carry my kayak, and I am not going to let being small and weak stop me from enjoying something I love to do. And I refuse to depend on someone else to do it.  Don’t get me wrong, if someone else is around, I’ll gladly and appreciatively use their help, but I’m not going to let the lack of help being available stop me.

I made a promise to myself a few years ago I wasn’t going to let the actions or inactions of others stop me anymore for doing what I want and love. I spent more than 20 years practically begging to go to the Grand Canyon. We had the means, time, and opportunity, but no one else wanted to go, so I allowed my dream to be put on the back burner with an empty promise of the next year – that never came.  So, I made a vow to myself to not let other’s stop me from doing what I want anymore. I still haven’t made it to the Grand Canyon, but believe me – It’s in the planning stage. As soon as I have vacation time – I’m going to see that big hole in the ground, even if I have to go alone. I’ll do WHATEVER IT TAKES. I’m going to find a way to load and unload my kayak ON MY OWN – whatever it takes.

In my writing – I do whatever it takes. Writing is hard, it takes devotion, time, patience, bleeding your soul onto the page …and if I want publication – more hard work, being “on” in order to market, promote, engage, sitting at hot festivals, sitting on panels with a bunch of snobbish people, wearing thick skin from the opinionated bad reviews or advice from everyone in or outside the business who thinks they can write your stuff better than you.  Dealing with people …sigh.  BUT, I LOVE writing, it’s as much a part of me as breathing so when I set my mind to a project – I’ll do whatever it takes to see it fly onto the page and then out into the universe. I’m not going to let those things or people stop me.

In work, in relationships, paying my bills, providing for myself, life in general … I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ve only got me. I have people in my life who care about me, but I, ALONE, am responsible for myself.  I’m an independent single woman. I don’t have a husband to share the burdens of this life. My kids are grown and they have themselves to care for, and it’s not their job to take care of me. I have no parents. So, I must do whatever it takes. So, watch me do just that.

Till next time

Categories: author T.L. Gray, blogging, Dream, Faith, family, Health & Fitness, Hope, Independence, Inspirational, Life, love, Relationships, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Starting Off Right

Starting Off Right

 

It’s a new year, it’s a new day, and it’s a new time in my life.  It’s time to put the past behind me, let go of the grief and embrace the excitement of what’s here and what’s to come.

I’m determined to put joy and happiness in my life.  I’m not naive.  I know there are days when the pain will still hurt and I’ll find myself in tears, but I believe with my whole heart that I possess the power to in joy.  I allowed grief into my life, because I needed that time to mourn what I’ve lost, what I’ve left behind.  If I would have stuffed that pain away, I wouldn’t have healed, only capped something that would explode even more damaging later. But, now is a new season… there was a time to grieve, now it’s time laugh.

I know that my emotions are not like a switch to turn off and on at will, but I also know that what I pour into me is what will come out of me.  I allowed pain and grief, and then I let it all out through my words, my blogs, and my stories.  I do not allow it any longer.  I will now fill my heart, my mind, my soul with joy, happiness, hope and laughter.

I have set many lofty goals for myself this year, and with the same determination I used to fulfill my goals last year, I will endeavor to do the same.

Be happy, people; if not for yourself, then for me.  I want to be happy. I want to laugh.  I want to sing.  Let’s start this New Year off right… with joy.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: Blog Post, Inspirational, Musing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Being Okay on a Monday

Image

I’ve got a lot of thoughts running around in my mind this morning.  I actually slept well last night, only waking once, but able to almost immediately fall back to sleep.  My slumber lately has been sporadic, in two and three-hour increments, the result leaving me in a sort of drudge.  So, this morning, having received at least two three-hour deep sleep sessions, I’m refreshed, renewed and regenerated.  Someone wished that for me yesterday.  I can’t remember right off the top of my head who that was, but I so appreciate their wishes.

Knots of tension have built in my shoulders, but I’m hoping I can work them out this week, and keep them off.  I’ve got a two-day festival coming up this weekend and I’d really like to be on my game.  I want to meet readers with a positive energy, not a tired, worried, and stressed out countenance.  They deserve better than that from me.

I’m also happy this morning, because I’ve reached a major goal.  Last year was a stressful and successful year for me. It was filled with many, many major accomplishments and failures.  I had two novels published and I went on a whirl-wind yearlong book tour and it was amazing.  My book sales had never been better, and it looked like my career was finally taking off.  But amid all that joy I saw the dissolution of a 20-year marriage, felt the separation of my children becoming adults, faced the start of menopause, experienced the loss of some close friends, and struggled with a serious crisis of faith.  Over the past two years I’ve gained a lot of weight nearly 100lbs.  It built so gradually, yet consistently.  I just got into a funk of saying, “I’ll work on it later.”  Then when I would get those bursts of desire to do something about my health, some crisis would happen and delay or roadblock my efforts.   Though I wasn’t gorging or purging, I was nursing my broken heart by not fighting, feeling defeated, like a failure, really almost to the point of giving up on everything, even living.  There were many days I just literally wanted to die because facing the day was too hard.  Well, this manifested in my body.  But, my spirit inside wouldn’t let me give up.  Though my world crumbled around me, and everything I knew and was familiar disappeared, along with my sense of security and stability, I was stripped down to nothing but love.  I realized I loved me and I deserved to live, deserved to love, deserved to be happy, deserved to be free, deserved to fly.  So, in the midst of my failure, in the middle of my crisis of faith, I vowed to fight, to live, to love, to pick myself up and take ONE step… just one step every day toward the me I deserved to be.

I’ve taken a LOT of steps since that New Year’s resolution, that promise to myself.  I can’t say that everything has worked out perfectly, or that I’ve conquered every mission in front of me, or that I’ve succeeded in everything.  In honesty, I’ve probably failed more than I’ve succeeded, but I still get up every morning and take ONE more step.  My life is changing.  I’m reaching small goals and getting closer to bigger ones.  I can feel myself on the edge of this darkness and know I’m getting closer to the light, closer to a breakthrough.  I’m still scared.  My heart is still very much wounded, but it continues to heal, to beat, and I continue to breathe.  I continue to move forward.

Today, I celebrate a 70 pound weight loss. I didn’t achieve this through dieting; I achieved this through a lot of hard work, sweat, lots of tears, and a change in my lifestyle.  I started to do simple things, small things that made me happy like hiking, walking, running, 5k’s, kayaking, yoga and meditation.  I started blogging, letting my feelings out instead of remaining silent, letting them build until I exploded. I walked away from people that pushed me down, held me back or discouraged me from following my dreams.  I started gathering people who encouraged me, told me what I needed to hear, not empty platitudes or endless hammering about responsibilities and practicalities.  I have developed friendships with people who believe in me, who encourage me to reach for those impossible dreams, who continue to love me in the middle of my chaos.  I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t always feel like I’m a disappointment and a failure for being different.  They don’t expect anything from me, but for me to be me, and that freedom has allowed me to blossom.  I still have problems and a lot of obstacles to overcome, but I know they love me whether I succeed or fail, because they love me – not what I can do for them, or what I can achieve.  I have a guardian angel that’s opened her heart and showed her love by her actions and not her words.  I don’t think she’s ever told me she loves me, but she’s met some of my greatest needs and I’ll never be able to repay her kindness, but I’ll never forget it.

So, this morning is a celebration of appreciation.  My life is turning around.  For the first time in a very, very long time I think I’m going to be okay.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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Categories: Blog Post, Inspirational, Musing, Spiritual, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

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