Posts Tagged With: Life

Pushing Through the Pain

Never Quit.jpg

 

I want to give up – EVERY DAY.  Not every once in a while, but every single day, sometimes even more than once a day.  Every time my back hurts, my legs hurt, my butt hurts, or my arms hurt, I want to nurse it, massage it, heal it, and make the pain go away.  But, I push through the pain because I want MORE what’s on the other side of the pain than just the release of it. There’s no magic pill.

I want to give up – EVERY DAY. Not every once in a while, but every single day, sometimes even more than once a day.  Every time my heart hurts, I feel unloved, unwanted, lonely, or forgotten, I want to feel loved, wanted, appreciated, and make the pain go away. But, I push through the pain because I want MORE of what’s on the other side of the pain than just the release of it. There’s no magic wand.

I want to give up – EVERY DAY.  Not every once in a while, but every single day, sometimes even more than once a day.  Every time I hear about another senseless death, injustice, abuse, and the evil of humanity, I want to save the world and make the pain go away.  But I push through the pain because I want MORE of what’s on the other side of the pain than just the release of it. There’s no magic wish.

Pain hurts.  It sucks.  I don’t enjoy pain, but I don’t fear it, I don’t let it paralyze me, and I don’t allow it to stop me. I’ve learned that the best things this life has to offer are most often found on the OTHER side of pain. It’s found in the healing, in the compassion, in the overcoming, in the accomplishment, in completing the task, in the rescue, in the mercy, in the victory, in the results, in the kiss, wrapped in the arms of love, in tangled legs, in silly giggles, in making a difference, in having a purpose, and in taking a stand. Have no regrets.

The things that make life worth living are ALWAYS on the other side of pain, so we have to push through it and NEVER GIVE UP.  We have to make that decision EVERY DAY.  Not every once in a while, but every single day, sometimes more than once a day …as many as it takes.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, blogging, Dream, Dreams, Fairy Tale, Faith, family, friends, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, memes, Muses, Musing, Musing., Musings, Philosophy, Poetry, Quotes, Relationships, respect, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What Do We Want?

What Do We Want

 

Do we really know what we want? What drives our wants, what fuels our needs and desires? Is it the propaganda that our mind is bombarded with on a consistent daily basis of our culture, education, media and social media? Is it with keeping up with the Jones’? Is it tradition, idealism of the American Dream that has been planted in our minds from birth? Is the very idea of entitlement grated to us by our own Constitution – in that pursuit of life, liberty and pursuit of happiness?   I’m sure it’s a mixture of all of that – plus our own imaginations.

I think everything we want FIRST starts as a thought and/or felt as a need. We want love, we want passion, we want purpose, we want vision, we want success, we want wealth, we want health, we want fame, we want direction, we want faith, we want family, we want connection, we want understanding, we want enlightenment, and we want freedom, etc.

I think about other countries not as fortunate as this beautiful country in which I live and sometimes ponder what my wants and needs would be if I was from a different place, a different race, a different culture, or a different life. But, it’s foolish and a waste of time to think on those terms, other than for better understanding of our neighbors’ plight, because I am NOT that person and THIS is the life I’ve been given. I was born into this body, in this race, into this culture, into this part of the world. That doesn’t make me any better or any worse than anyone else – it just makes me …Me. Who I am and who I choose to be – is in every choice I make, and in every want and need I have, and how I go about fulfilling them.

What I want and need today is different than yesterday and tomorrow it will be different than today – because life is fluid and ever changing. I don’t want to get tripped up always thinking “what if” and miss out living life today. Yes, I have dreams and hopes for tomorrow. Yes, I have memories and some regrets for yesterday. But today – today I want – to live my life to fullest, to be happy, to be loved, to love, to laugh, to appreciate, to work hard, to be in the moment. I have many fears, because I’m over-thinker, and those fears haunt me always – fear of failing, of getting it wrong, of misunderstanding, of making a mistake, of being naïve, of being taken advantage of, of being used, of being vulnerable, of being hurt, of being unwanted and unloved. But, I face my fears because I’d rather be all those things – WHILE I’m living my life to the best of my ability, than having missed all those things, and the good opposite by hiding away in my fear. So, I will kiss the guy. I will take the chance. I will make the move. I will face that PF360* machine. I will spend the money and book the trip – because I only get one life. I only have one chance to live. That’s what I really want – to live, to really fucking live.

So, let’s do this.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

 

 

 

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, Dreams, Faith, family, friends, Health & Fitness, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, memes, Musing, Musing., Philosophy, Quotes, relationship, Relationships, respect, Romantic, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Find Something Worth Dying For …

 

Irish Gladiator

A friend of mine has an Irish Gladiator banner hanging on his wall that says, “Find something worth dying for, and live for it.” I call this saying a Scottism. For several weeks now that phrase has been rolling around in the back of my mind, trying to find a tendril of understanding to latch onto, because in its simplicity it’s very profound.

Just the first part alone – the very first part – to “find.”  To find indicates an effort, a movement, the making of a decision that’s followed by action.  FIND – seek, explore, hunt, track down, identify, discover, uncover, etc. It doesn’t say wait for something … but FIND.  Get off your ass and hunt it down!

That’s where we fail as a society right out of the gate.  We’ve become a culture that doesn’t hunt, that doesn’t seek, and sure as hell doesn’t find. We want everything given to us without any effort of our own, and then lie to ourselves and tell ourselves we ‘deserve’ it.  I once heard another statement that said, “Grace is God giving us what we don’t deserve and Mercy is Him holding back what we do deserve.” What the hell do any of us really deserve?  We often get what we seek to find. If we seek shit, we find shit. We seek destruction, we find destruction.  If we seek shallow plastic, we find shallow plastic – and then bitch about only having shallow plastic.  Oh, what a world in which we live. But, thank God not everyone is that way – just the majority of common people. I thank God that “I’m uncommon amongst uncommon people.” LOL (Shout out to David Goggins for that motto – it’s ingrained into my soul now.)

Back to the Scottism I’ve been working on – Find something worth dying for…” If you really think about that – what on this earth is worth dying for? For me, EVERY bit of it is intangible. I would never die for stuff, titles, money, opportunities, or luxury. Yet, I watch people daily sell their souls and step over humanity to obtain these things that will one day burn to ash. No, all the things I would die for are intangible – Love being the greatest of these. Freedom – and man it has a high cost.  Faith – I would die for faith – believing in something bigger than myself, and in someone I love. Family – I would die to protect my family. Hope – I would die to keep hope, because I know that without hope I would already be dead.  Purpose – I would die trying to live with a purpose. But, not much else.

I think before we put our lives on the line for the things we deem worthy to die for, we should really consider the true cost. It shouldn’t be a whim, but a truth we diligently had to search for, dig for, and then find.  But, once we got it – once we’ve given it the respect of discovering the truth of it – then and only then does the second part of that statement come to live – and hit home.  THEN … LIVE for it.

Dying for something is actually the easy part. True strength is coming from being able to LIVE for the things we would die for. God, if we would really take the time and think about all the stupid shit we waste our time chasing and started loving and appreciating the things in this world that were truly important – truly worth dying for – our lives would have so much more meaning and value. We chase after pretty faces, cold hearts, baseless and useless shit – and then bitch about it – because the truly valuable things are not easy, often not pretty, and on the surface doesn’t look spectacular. But, how blessed are we when we do get ahold of it? When we truly open our hearts and let the real shit in – the real pain – the real love – the real purpose?  Wow, just wow. Thank you, Scott for that inspiration. I don’t know where you got it – and it really doesn’t matter – because it’s latched onto my soul now.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, Destiny, Dream, Dreams, Fairy Tale, Faith, family, friends, Health & Fitness, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, memes, Muses, Musing, Musing., poem, Quotes, relationship, Relationships, respect, Review, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Be Yourself

Be-Yourself-Pic

 

If you’re in my life and I like you, well, simply I like you. If I do like you, I like you just like you are, just like I discovered you, for who you are. Well, for the most part. We are ever-evolving souls, moving from one stasis to another, morphing from one state of being into another, going from caterpillar to butterfly, and carcass to maggots.  I’m an optimistic in hopes that those changes are for the better towards progression, but I am completely aware we are all capable of the worse towards regression. I’ve been there a few times. I’m human, and so are you.  Be Yourself.

I think my biggest battle is setting my expectations of someone on my ideals of who I want them to be and imagine them to be, instead of who they truly are, because again – I’m an optimist and hopeless romantic. But don’t mistake my romanticism for a lack of the ability to acknowledge realism.  I do see the flowers on side of the road – but I also see the potholes, the dying bees, the faded lines, and the carbon-footprint.

Some people are perfectly imperfect and have become inspirations for me and I unapologetically love them for it. Some people have disappointed me, not because they couldn’t be perfect, but because they didn’t strive for it. I’m going to be myself. And who I am is someone who strives to succeed, who strives to be perfect, one who understands how to take their failures and learn from them, who never quits, who never gives up, and who loves with their whole heart.  I speak truth, even if it hurts. I respect truth, even if it hurts.

Deception and lies hurt – the person telling them and the person being told them. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to deceive anyone. I want to love people for who they are inside and out.  I want to be proud of my friends and lovers. I want to be inspired by people willing to be themselves.

It’s hard in this world today to be our true selves, mostly because we don’t know who we truly are to our very core. Do we display our truth, or our ideal of our truth? In this world of social media, it’s too easy to create a persona of who we think we are and who we want to be, but it’s hard to be completely honest and vulnerable – because we fear judgment. The world is cruel. But, I’ve learned over the years that freedom to be my true self, and that be okay, and that be good enough is the ultimate accomplishment. While I do care to have the love and respect from the people I love and respect – I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me or my behavior. I just have to make sure it’s okay with the woman in the mirror. If she’s okay with it, I’m okay with it.  I care what my friends think and feel about me, because I value them – just as they are – and their love and respect is important to me. I care what my boyfriend thinks about who I am and the kind of woman I am, because I want him to trust me and love me for the woman I am – not who I was or he thinks I will be someday, but who I am in this moment. I don’t want to change who they are, either. I have come to love them as they are – imperfections and all.

I’m glad they’re not perfect, because I’m very competitive. I want them to be proud of me and the woman I’ve chosen to be, and I’m going to be myself, all the fucking perfectly imperfect parts of me.  I’ve told my boyfriend all about my dark, ugly demons, scars, and imperfections. If they haven’t scared him away by now, I think he might just stick around for a while.  I adore him just like he is – as himself. I adore my best friend just like she is – as herself. I adore my kids just like they are – as themselves.  Be yourself, and let me love that person.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

 

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Dream, Fairy Tale, Faith, family, friends, Hope, Hurt, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, memes, Philosophy, relationship, Relationships, respect, Romantic, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , | Leave a comment

Don’t Be So Quick To Judge

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If you know me, if you’ve met me, or if you’ve read any of my blog posts over the past several years, you would probably say that I’m able to easily express my emotions, that I’m an emotional person, or that I’m clearly in touch with my emotions.  You’d be wrong. Very wrong. It takes a hard, concerted effort, and one that I have to work on EVERY day to express my emotions, or to even acknowledge them.  I sometimes fail. I sometimes fall back into my safety net, and cower behind my wall of steel, stone and ice, to protect myself from feeling the full impact of the pain that’s in my life.

If you’re shaking your head, because you don’t believe it – let me explain.

I have PTSD, and a pretty bad case of it. For those of you who instantly just filled your mind with the idea that those who battle with PTSD are weak, you’re fucking wrong. Let me repeat: YOU ARE FUCKING WRONG!  THOSE who FAIL to face their truth and battle with their PTSD are the weak ones, not the other way around.  The strongest of souls fight battles every day most of us don’t even have an idea of their struggle, because they’re not weak-ass pansies throwing their problems on everyone else, looking for that pat on the back, or that bit of sympathy. They acknowledge their pain, face it, and deal with it head on no matter how hard, how much it hurts, how much it’s going turn their world upside down.  They are not quitters.

I hate pity and sympathy. It irritates the shit out of me when people feel sorry for me when they learn about some of the struggles I’ve been through. I hate it. It’s one of the reasons I had kept my mouth shut for so long, because I hated to see that look on their faces or hear that sound of pity in their voices – and then watch as they begin to treat me like a victim – with kid gloves, afraid to offend me, afraid to be themselves in order to not hurt me. If I broke so easily, I wouldn’t be who I am today.  I’m the strongest fucking person I know in this world and I hate being treated like a victim or a fragile flower. But that’s the kind of world in which we live, where people want sympathy and excuses for their failures instead of someone refusing to carry their lazy asses and tell them to pick themselves up off the floor and fight.  I hate fucking excuses and I literally hear them day in and day out.

I don’t pity others.  If you come to me with your sad story – you WILL tug at my heart strings. I’m a fucking bleeding heart – but then you’re going to stir the warrior inside and I’m not going to come to you and put my arms around and you pat you on the back.  I’m going to get in your face and ask you what the fuck you’ve done to pull yourself out of the situation, to protect yourself from it happening again, what you’ve learned, and what you’re doing to fight to protect yourself.  If I see you fighting – I’m going to jump in the lion’s den with you and do whatever is necessary to help you succeed.  But, if you’re cowering in the corner – and want me to do the fighting for you – THAT SHIT AIN’T HAPPENING. I’ve nearly killed myself saving fucking victims. I can’t do it.  I won’t do it.  If you’re a victim, if you are immobilized because you can’t get over your shit – I can’t help you. I have no sympathy for you.

I don’t want to know what you WANT to do. I want to know what you’re DOING. I respect someone flat on their ass because they’ve failed attempting to fulfill their dreams, or attempting to overcome something that’s holding them back, than some whiny-ass bitch with a bunch of dreams but doing NOTHING to make that dream come true. I admire people that don’t give up. I admire people that aren’t afraid to own their failures and mistakes. If your ass is broke because you half-ass everything you do, take short cuts, or have a bitter attitude that you’re struggle has ANYTHING to do with your culture, skin color, opportunities, sex, or breeding – I can’t even talk to you. FUCK YOU. I hope you lose everything you’ve got so that way maybe you’ll be forced to struggle to fight for everything and learn to respect yourself and learn your worth and stop making fucking excuses for your failure. YOU own your success or failure.  And we more than likely have a different definition of failures – because some failures are victories if there was something learned or gained.

THAT is an example of my PTSD.  I will help, protect, fight with, and be open with honest, straight-forward people. But, I don’t trust most people. I don’t even like people to touch me or get into my personal space.  If I hug you or allow you to touch me, it wasn’t nothing – it took a huge effort and a whole lot of trust. And being able to write my truth – that took a long, long, time to get to this level of freedom. My breakthrough came when I started writing to MYSELF. When I started to love the warrior inside, the woman that deserved to be acknowledged and appreciated.  It took me until I was almost 30 years old before I could even cry.  I never said the words “I Love You”.  Ask my first husband. All we ever got to was, “I like you a whole lot.”

So, the point I’m getting at is this – when you meet someone who has a hard time expressing their emotions – quit expecting them to respond to things and situations in the way YOU would respond. They are not you.  If you see them struggling to express, step back – you don’t know what they’re carrying. Now, don’t give place to victims. Don’t placate or enable victims’ excuses.  And don’t take disrespect from them either. No matter what they’re struggling with – love yourself enough to expect to be treated with respect. If you don’t get it, ask for it. If you still don’t get it – show them your back because they’re nothing but fucking vampires and they’ll suck the life out of you in an attempt to fill their own emptiness. Treat people with respect for who THEY are – take the opportunity and time to find out HOW to relate to them. That’s the ultimate expression of love and respect is actually observing and giving someone the focus and time to get to know THEM for who they are inside.  If you’re too busy, or too self-absorbed, you’re a shitty friend and just move on for their sake.

If I care about someone, I’m Nancy-Fucking-Drew. I’m always asking questions, observing how they respond to me, quick to apologize if I over step, and am honest – brutally and openly honest.  A lot of people can’t handle truth because we live in such a disconnected world, hidden behind our social media and self-help bullshit, quick to just ghost and hide from responsibility and then whine and complain that shit don’t work. We’re too quick to swipe left or right, and when things get hard (and ALL fucking life is hard at some points) we run back to level one where it’s easy. We get offended too easily. My best friend right now is someone I’m not afraid to get in her face, and she’s not afraid to get in mine, because we know we may get mad, but we will always be back the next day to work it out.

I actually had a guy tell me the other day he doesn’t like drama. He doesn’t respond to drama and only wants to hang out to have ‘fun’.  I’m sorry – but that’s not a FRIEND. That’s a fucking acquaintance, or what they call a ‘fair-weathered friend’.  I don’t need those in my life. I love my sunshine and I love to share my sunshine with my FRIENDS who’ve been through the storms with me. They deserve my sunshine. Fucking fair-weathered friends don’t deserve anything from me – especially my time. My time is valuable and precious. When I’m with my friends, they have my full focus. I need them at times, and I need to be there for them at times.  Yes, we shouldn’t surround ourselves with negative people. I will be the first to send someone stepping if all I hear out of their mouth is negative bullshit. But, there’s a huge difference between a negative person and someone going through something.  I am deep, and I’ve got deep wounds and no weak ass punk is going to be able to handle my truth. That’s probably why I love badass Rangers, mean ass Marines, and those warring Navy SEALS. They make street thugs look like fucking pussy cats. I’m the daughter of an International Cartel Drug Dealer – and I’ve seen some shit – but I don’t have anything to worry about when one of these guys have my six. NOT ONE FUCKING WORRY. They can handle it.  But, no matter how tough they are – emotions may not be something they easily handle. But that in no way makes them weak.  Those who don’t take the time to try and understand how to listen, how to relate – they are the weak ones. A warrior is deep, and only deep can hear the deep.  Leave all that shallow ass bullshit for those fair-weathered friends.  I’m not a frogman, but I swim in deep waters.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, Destiny, Dream, Faith, family, friends, Health & Fitness, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, Musing, Musings, Philosophy, Quotes, relationship, Relationships, respect, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Moderation is for Cowards

 

Moderation is for Cowards

I recently heard a quote that missed my head and hit me right in the soul that it’s taken me a few days to digest it.  It said, “Anything in life worth doing, is worth overdoing, moderation is for cowards.” I don’t know the author of this quote or even where I heard it, but it reminds me of another quote by Hunter S. Thompson, “Anything worth doing is worth doing well.” David Goggins recently inspired me with, “Choose to be uncommon amongst uncommon people.” But, I suppose my favorite comes from Philippians 4:8 – “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on these things.”

There’s something to be said about giving our all, our best effort and our energy into what we want to achieve in this life.  I have a spirit of excellence. I don’t know how to do anything half-assed. It’s not in my psychological makeup. Call me an A-type personality, OCD, or an over-thinker, none of those names matter – because what I feel it comes down to, in the base, in the foundation, in the root  of my very being …is that I’m not a coward.

I am afraid of a lot of things. I’m afraid of fear. I’m afraid of failure. I’m afraid of disappointment.  I’m afraid of judgement.  I’m afraid of not being enough, not good enough, or being too much. But Fear doesn’t rule me. Fear doesn’t control me. Fear sure as hell doesn’t stop me.  I believe everyone is afraid of rejection, judgement, and failure in emotional, psychological and physical aspects.  But, excellence and facing those life obstacles, standing up to fear …is what separates us, and moderation is for cowards.

Cowards lie to themselves and everyone else around them. They pretend life is some fucking fairy-tale as they smoke their peace pipes and stick their heads in the sands of modern philosophy. They’re excuse makers and moderate pussies. Albert Einstein once said, “The world is a dangerous place, not because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing.”

I believe hate is bad, and the way our world hates each other breaks my heart. But, hate is better than indifference. Indifference is the cruelest emotion.  Indifferences doesn’t care. Hate is at least filled with passion.  Those who are indifferent and don’t care – cause the most damage in the world.  Those who don’t feel it necessary, or are afraid to feel emotion, love, or passion, those who don’t give their best or approach everything in life with everything they have, who wants to do everything in moderation – are cowards, nothing more than a yellow-bellied sap-sucking woodpecker banging their beaks against the grain, causing a ruckus but changing nothing. A complete nuisance and waste of space.

I don’t have time or patience or respect for moderation cowards.  I don’t care what you do, but whatever it is – do it with excellence, overdo it, do it well, be uncommon and make it happen – or else get the fuck out of the way for the real heroes. Take a chance.  Make the jump. Fight the good fight.  Kiss the girl. Leave the hiding to the cowards, let them fight over the breadcrumbs life has to offer.  Not me – I am a warrior and I seek to surround myself with warriors who can’t accept moderation.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, Dream, Dreams, Fairy Tale, Faith, family, February, Health & Fitness, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, Musings, Philosophy, Quotes, relationship, Relationships, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Keeping it Balanced

 

Keeping it Balanced

Balance is the key to just about everything. As Einstein once wrote, “For every action there is an equal, but opposite, reaction.”  As human beings, we get off kilter, off center, off emotionally and off physically when we don’t have balance in every area of our life.  We need our Yin-Yang in balance and operate from a centered position.

If I don’t eat a balanced diet, I will become unhealthy. Each of our bodies are different and have different responses, metabolisms, and digestive systems.  It is my responsibility to understand my body, and become a good steward of it.  It is my temple. It is my duty to nurture and protect it, and treat it with respect and dignity. While it is perfectly okay to treat it with delicious delights that tantalize my tongue, I must balance it with the nutrition and dietary supplement it needs. I have a slow metabolism and vitamin deficiency.  It is MY responsibility to make sure I eat the right foods to give me energy and nutrition, and take the vitamins I need to keep me healthy.

If I don’t get a balanced workout when I exercise, I will either not see the results I need or see too much results in what I want or don’t want.  My body is a machine and needs constant maintenance, and that is my responsibility.  It’s no one else’s job to get me to workout.  I love encouragement and support, and having a workout partner helps keep me on track, but it comes down to making a choice and seeing it fulfilled.

I have to balance work and play.  If I work too much, that makes me a work-a-holic and neglectful of my body and soul.  If I play too much, I neglect responsibility and accountability.  I must balance the two.  It’s important to have a job or career that gives a sense of purpose and pride and sharpens the skills within me to help me provide for my wants and needs.  It’s also important to chase my dreams and passions. They are important too.  Having a sense of purpose is important. Having drive and passion are important, but I must keep them in balance or they will become the harbingers of destruction or addiction.  Nothing hurts worse than having no purpose.

And then there is love and friendship … and those too must remain in balance. There are extremes from neglectful to obsessive, from fantastical to practical, and from underwhelming to over-bearing. Balance is key.  Love and friendship are important.  Any good relationship must have reciprocal feelings – a balance of give and take.  When there is unbalance, it becomes painful and destructive to both sides.

Take time and look at life and see if things are in balance. If it’s too good to be true or just underwhelming – then it’s not in balance.  Seek balance in everything.  When someone tells you they are afraid to feel something, afraid to do something, or afraid to commit to something – run because there is no balance and there will be no peace.  They’re vampires – dead things seeking to such the life out of you until you are dead too.  Many people speak balance – but where there is no love, no passion, no drive, no responsibility, no faithfulness, no diligence, or no duty … there is no balance. Try driving on unbalanced tires – that’s how an unbalanced life feels.  I’m seeking balance.

 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

 

Categories: Blog Post, blogging, Faith, family, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, memes, Muses, Philosophy, poem, Relationships, respect, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , | Leave a comment

Make Me Laugh

 

Make Me Laugh

Want to steal my heart? It’s not hard. It’s simple – make me laugh.  Be silly. Make funny faces. Do silly dances. Share silly memes.  Dress up in silly costumes. Stay clever shit.  Look at the bright side. Snort when you laugh. Pee on yourself if necessary, but laugh.

Life is hard. Every day is a struggle to fulfill our responsibilities to ourselves, our friends, our families, our communities, and our world. We grind and grind and grind and grind. It’s our curse. It’s our burden to bear.

Life is full of struggles and atrocities and sometimes pure evil. I feel all of it down to the very center of my being.  I grieve for the broken, the abused, the neglected, the tortured, the hungry, the homeless, the fatherless, the orphans, the elderly, the sick, the disabled, the forgotten, the battered, the lost, the weak, the addict, the dying, the bullied and the rejected.  I feel the pain, I taste the earth’s salty tears. I’m not blind to them. No, I am very aware of them – and because I feel so deeply and love so passionately, I’m often overwhelmed with grief.

So, make me laugh.  Show a little kindness. Stand tough, stay firm, fight the good fight, and do what is necessary to protect, to guard, to save, and to defend – but don’t forget to live, to laugh and to love.  Power to love and to laugh in the midst of this cruel world is the greatest power.

Don’t be idealistic.  Don’t be unrealistic. Don’t be a bleeding heart and shut your eyes to the truth to embrace an ideological fairy tale with unrealistic expectations. Leave that shit for the fantasy books.  Make REAL observations. See the UGLY truth. Do the hard shit – so that there can be a REAL solution.

Rev. Daniel Patrick used to tell me, “Confirmation of new information, without consideration is ignorant and arrogant in the highest order.” Don’t be stupid, face the truth and then find something good among all the ugliness. Be a hero, make me laugh.

Laughing in the moment isn’t denying the pain – it’s facing it – it’s being balanced. The only true thing that can conquer hate is love, loneliness is being friendly, selfishness is by being selfless, being in need is by giving to others and addressing other’s needs, and being sad is by laughing.

Want to steal my heart? Make me laugh.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, blogging, Conversations with a Friend., Dream, Dreams, Fairy Tale, Faith, family, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, Muses, music, Musings, Philosophy, poem, Quotes, relationship, Relationships, respect, Romantic, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Doing What I Love

Doing What I Love

 

Life is short.  I do what I love.  If I don’t know what I love, I’ll figure it out.  Sometimes what I used to love, I don’t care so much for anymore, and other things that I never dared to try before, I’m finding I really enjoy.  I have to be careful not to put myself or my ideas in a box, else I’m going to miss out on something beautiful, or terrible.

I have to be careful and protect my time, my access, my money, and my tribe circle, because life has a way of putting obstacles between me and what I love.  But, one of the things I’ve discovered in life is – those things I’ve had to fight for, I’ve had to sacrifice for, I’ve had to achieve through perseverance – were much more rewarding and worth the struggle. If it came easy or was given to me, I may have enjoyed the experience, the thing, or the moment, but there’s always this ‘other’ moment that follows all those moments – and that is the moment I don’t want to experience again in my life – and that moment was when I wasn’t proud of what I had received or achieved because it cost me nothing. I didn’t appreciate what it was, because it had no value.  It wasn’t earned.

I sometimes underestimate the value of a thing, an action, or even a person – and think my pride and esteem doesn’t matter, but it really does. It matters a lot.  I would rather be valued, respect, appreciated, and deeply loved than be wanted, desired, or a momentary fascination.  I want those accolades – but I am much better than that. I’m not cubic-zirconium – I’m a hardcore diamond.  I want to be told I’m beautiful, but not because I have a pretty face – but I have pretty, caring, and loving soul.

The more I value a soul, the more beautiful that person becomes to me.  NOTHING is more beautiful than looking into a pair of eyes and seeing an amazing, beautiful soul.  A kind spirit. A warrior. A great body is nice, a healthy body is even better. But a beautiful soul – transcends the body.

I once fell in love with a man because he had shared a meme with me that said he fell in love with souls, not faces.  That turned out not to be true for him, but for me it’s the very core of my existence, it is the true center of my heart. I could never love someone for a shallow reason like their looks, sex appeal, body shape, or any kind of physically attractive attribution.  Don’t get me wrong – a beautiful sexy body is nice to look at and fantasize about, but my Superman could be a paraplegic like Christopher Reeve – and I would fall hopelessly, deeply, madly in love with him if he had a beautiful soul. It’s just how I’m made and it’s how I love, and I’m on a journey to do what I love, to appreciate the important things in life, because I only get one go around on this big blue orb.

I’m becoming happier and happier every day, because I’m now doing the things I love.  I just had a recent discussion about camping. I love camping. So, guess what I’m going to be doing soon???

 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, blogging, Dream, Fairy Tale, Faith, family, friends, Health & Fitness, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Musing, Philosophy, Quotes, relationship, respect, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Company You Keep

The Company You Keep

They say, “You are the company you keep.” Who are they?  This time, it’s many of the people I’ve grown to respect and admire over the years, people who have gone before me such as Epictatus, Benjamin Franklin, Cohen, Albert Einstein, Voltaire, etc.  Japanese Proverb says, “When a character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.” English proverb says, “A man is known by the company he keeps.” Drew Houston says, “You become the average of the five people you hang out with.” In 1 Corinthians 15, “Don’t be misled. Bad company corrupts good character.”  Starting to get the point? And before I move on – for those who think keeping their own company solves the bad company issue – you can be the bad influence in your own life.  “Character is much easier kept than recovered,” Thomas Payne.

I say that, to say this …be careful of the company you keep.  If your life is falling apart and you keep suffering, you keep failing, you keep facing the same problems over and over and over, look around at your support system. If you don’t have a support system – then that too is your fault and responsibility.  You can’t blame the world for leading your astray or letting you down – because the world hasn’t been around. YOU led yourself astray and YOU let yourself down.  But, if you do have a support system – check yourself and check them.  Are they a strong, positive, inspirational, encouraging, moralistic, supportive, natural leaders, got their shit together, and successful examples? If not, then there might be the problem. The BIGGER question – are you all those things to your friends AND to yourself?  There’s another answer to your failures and problems.

We delude ourselves. I’ve done it. I’m guilty.  Thomas Payne is right, “To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.”  We quickly and easily want to lay blame to others for our failures.  It’s his fault, it’s her fault, it’s their fault, I didn’t have the same opportunities, life isn’t fair, if I didn’t have kids, if I had only got an education, if I had the money, and so on and so on. I’ve heard the excuses. I’ve tried to use them, but when it comes down to it – I can only blame myself for making poor choices, either in ignorance or vanity.

One thing I have learned through it all – I noticed a pattern, am noticing the pattern again, and must conclude – the times of my greatest successes coincided with the times I surrounded myself with people that lent me strength to achieve those successes, who encouraged me, and who inspired me. No one ever did anything FOR me, I’ve fought hard for everything I’ve ever achieved through sacrifice and hard work. The times of my greatest failures and disappointments were when I surrounded myself with vampires, by selfish, lazy people, by bad company who took my love, my charity, my compassion, and my gifts for granted – and left me empty and dry. Shame on me.

We think the company we keep doesn’t really affect us, our life, our successes or our failures, but that’s just a lie we tell ourselves because we don’t want to face the truth: the company we keep reflects WHO WE ARE, where we are in life, and what we value. You can lie to yourself all you want, but if you want to know who you really are, not who you think you are, look at the people around you – look at the company you keep.

I am uncommon amongst uncommon people. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am filled with passion, integrity and good character.  I am driven. I am determined. I love myself and I’m working hard to cut out the leeches, the vampires, the excuses, the corrupt, the liars, and the thieves  – and surround myself with people who inspire me, who love me, who value me, who encourage me, who love and value themselves – because I am not done yet. I have achieved a lot in this world, but I have more work to do.  I’m not looking for perfect people – no such thing exists. I’m looking for uncommon people amongst uncommon people – the dreamers, the fighters, the people who don’t take no for answers, the people who never give up, and the people who don’t let excuses stop them. That will be the company I will be to others and the company I keep. Because of that – watch what I do, it’s gonna be fucking amazing!

 

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, blogging, Dream, Dreams, Faith, family, friends, Health & Fitness, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Musings, Philosophy, poem, Poetry, Quotes, relationship, Relationships, respect, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

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