Posts Tagged With: regret

Unforgivable

Unforgivable

 

Is there really anything that is unforgiveable? Something so bad that we just can’t accept or pardon?  For me – YES.  There are definitely things, acts, decisions, and actions in this world that I will never be able to forgive, not even for myself if I did them.  Before you start throwing your judgment darts at me – let me remind you that I’m not God.  I am a human being, filled with both the capability and capacity to do good AND evil, to love and hate, to judge and forgive.

However what does it really mean to forgive? What makes the things we do either good or evil? How are our actions and thoughts placed upon the morality scale?  Who made the scale? Is the scale the same for everybody else?

This is the cause of many wars, mankind’s idea of what is right, wrong, moral, and divine.  It’s a battle of ego – who’s right and wrong, whose god is the real god, whose god is the false god, and of what is truth and what is defined as opinion.  For me, and I can only speak for me, we don’t really need those ‘written’ laws, decrees, commandments to know the difference between right and wrong.  We know it the moment we think or commit an act if it’s wrong or evil, and that’s when we start looking for excuses and loopholes to try and feel better about our decisions. Getting caught or being sorry has nothing to do with forgiveness.

I have done evil. I have done thing in my life that when I did them, I knew it was wrong, not because someone told me, or a religion commanded and declared it so, but from this gut feeling, this sinking knowledge deep inside that let me know it was wrong.  I have acted in anger, jealousy, hurt, selfishness and pride – and cast my judgement on others for doing the same. There may have been reasons, but there is never any excuse.

Am I unforgivable?  I can’t speak for others or for God, only for myself. It has taken me years to forgive myself for some of the things I’ve said or done, there are some other things I’m still working on making right. Not by saying, “I’m sorry.” No, by studying my true intentions, my true motives, my true desires and trying to understand and learn, to see the consequences of my choices, and how those choices affected others and the world around me. Did I learn something from them? I can’t even begin forming the idea of forgiveness until I understand and face the dirty, ugly truth of my actions.

Forgiveness isn’t a word, it’s a state of being. I can’t just give it to myself, I must step into the truth of it, and I can’t do that unless I first face my offenses, face my actions, face my consequences in TRUTH. Then … when I look upon myself, my true self, I have another choice …to love myself anyway – as the dirty, sinful, hateful, pathetic and weak being that I am – love myself anyway.  I am NOT talking about making an excuse – but really seeing the truth of me. THEN – and only then will forgiveness become available. Some of us have done so much for so long our souls no longer cry out and we no longer feel any shame or pain.  In essence we have lost our souls and are dead inside. Forgiveness is for the soul, so it’s not going to be available for the soulless.

I’m sure we’ve all done things that we are not proud, that we are ashamed, that haunt our souls – for those of us who still have them. I’m sure we’ve all lost our minds sometime in moments of weakness, moments of pain, and moments of fear, leading us to do unspeakable things. Ignoring our truth doesn’t make them go away. Denying truth doesn’t make things in a state of have never happened.

Seek forgiveness and free your soul. All – not some of us, but ALL have fallen short of the glory of God.  The difference is who stays there and who rises. Don’t lose your soul. Don’t ignore your truth. Seek and find your forgiveness. Only YOU can do it.  Let stop worrying about what others have done – and look to ourselves.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Faith, family, friends, Health & Fitness, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Musing, Philosophy, Poetry, Quotes, Relationships, Review, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Mistakes or Learning Experiences?

Mistakes or Learning Experiences

If you ask me, I’ll tell you I’ve made a lot of mistakes, right along with a lot of bad decisions. Who hasn’t? Some of us just seem a bit more talented at it than others, or so it seems. But if I really look back over my life, over my choices, over my failures, mistakes, misunderstandings, mischievous and devious behaviors, there’s none of them I really regret. I regret consequences, I regret a lot of the circumstances or decisions that led to some of my choices and actions, but I don’t regret my participation. Why? Because I know all the choices I’ve made have been my own, and they were made honestly; whether good or bad, that’s not what I’m talking about – only that they’re mine.

Don’t get me wrong. There have been a LOT of things happen in my life I was neither responsible, nor held any control, and I wish had never happened. I’m still trying to work through the effects of some, and will always bear the scars of others, but I carry no regrets. I have anger, sadness, disappointment, hurt, pain, and also forgiveness and mercy, but not regrets. I am only responsible for my own choices. I cannot control what anyone else chooses or the consequences of those choices – even if it is to my own destruction, pain and detriment. I only have the power to choose how I respond.

I have made a lot of mistakes in this life. I’m sure to make a lot more. I look at those moments, not with regret, but as valuable learning experiences. I’m not perfect, and can guarantee many more mistakes to come. I promise I will make them honestly, and without regret. How you respond …is up to you.
Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

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The Other Side

Tunnel on the way to Hurricane Falls - Olympic National Park

Tunnel on the way to Hurricane Falls – Olympic National Park

I don’t think there’s anything more sad, more pathetic and more gut-wrenching than the dreaded ‘what if’ … what if I went, what if I stayed, what if I said those words, what if I hadn’t, what if I fail, what if I succeed?  Regret – it’s so powerful it can eat through a person’s soul, steal their dreams, lock them into emotional slavery and defeat possible victories.

However, decisions that are to be made consisting of the dreaded ‘what if’ should be considered and weighed with much thought and careful consideration – because you can fail, you can lose, you can make a wrong decision with just as much possibility of success.  But not knowing the possible results leaves you with a lifetime of regret.

I am not afraid to fail.  I have spent more time in the dirt on my face from falling than I’d ever like to admit, however, I have very few regrets.  I live my life most often in the motion of chasing something… dreams, an idea, or a passion.   I have succeeded and I have failed.  I have won and I have lost.  I have cried and I have laughed.  Most of all I have lived.  I won’t know what is waiting for me on the other side of another opportunity until I make the choice to grab it and take the steps needed to reach my destination.

Arriving on the other side is great, but that is not the best part of experience… it’s the journey “to” to the other side where life happens.

I’m on such a journey now, a transition from one place in my life to another… a sojourner.  The only real choice I have to make every day is whether I’m going to be afraid to move or not move, do or not do… regret or not regret.

I choose.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

 

Categories: Inspirational, Musing, Writing | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

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