Posts Tagged With: sexuality

What is a Picture of Beauty?

What is a Picture of Beauty

I post a lot of pictures of me on my Facebook, most of them of me smiling or just enjoying life.  I’ve been told that I’m narcissistic, that I’m just obsessed with myself.  For those who think or comment in that manner shows me they know nothing about me. If you scroll through my blog or my Facebook, you’ll not find a picture more than five or six years old.  I personally only have less than a dozen.  Why? I never took pictures of myself because I didn’t feel I mattered.  Others didn’t take and post pictures of me either; they still don’t, because I don’t matter to them, not even my friends today. If I’m on their pages, it’s because I’ve tagged myself in a picture that I took, not one that they took of me.

I started taking ‘selfies’ when I read an meme that stated, “If you want to see what or who someone values or fears losing, look at who and what they take pictures of.” That hit me right in the heart and deep in my soul.  It was like God whispered in my ear to pay attention.  It had me scrolling through my pictures of beautiful outdoor scenery and activities, my pets, my family, my food, art, simple things I found beautiful, and it was clear to see all the things I loved, because they were right there in front of me in brilliant color, picture, after picture, after picture.  But it didn’t take long before I noticed what was missing in all those pictures – me.  Well, I made a quick excuse, “I’m taking the pictures, so it only makes sense I’m behind the camera, not in front of it.  So, I went to my family and friend’s pages, scrolled through their pictures, and again I could clearly see all the things they loved and valued, but not one picture of me. Not one.  It broke my heart. It still hurts. This was about five years ago.

Before I go any further, the biggest culprit was me.  My family just followed the example I set for them. Because I have problem letting people touch me, my children never hug me, and they tell me it feels awkward when they do.  Who the hell feels awkward hugging their mother and telling her that you love her?  I’ve hugged and kissed my children since the day they were born, and told them I loved them as often as I could. I still do every chance I get.  But, they forget I even exist.  So, how does that happen?

I stopped waiting for someone else to love and value me and started to love and value myself.  I see women posting pictures every day, mostly of themselves in sexually suggestive positions, and it makes me sad.  It’s literally about 95% of the pictures I see. That’s their idea of beauty.  They are complimented my men and women alike and told how beautiful they are, so why should they believe any different?  Why should they act any different? That’s narcissism, posing to get attention, even if the attention is low, perverted, and disgraceful.  These women don’t understand that they’re not displaying their beauty, but their ignorance, allowing themselves to be demeaned as a woman, and viewed only as an object of perversion.  The admiration they receive now will fade once they get a little older; their bodies no longer have the same sexual draw, and then what? What will they have to offer their admirers since their admirers are only interested in their flesh.  But, a woman who smiles, laughs, is pictured living life, appreciating life, loving herself and the world around her are truly visions of beauty.  A woman caught in a moment of compassion, in a nurturing embrace, being a helpmate and friend, those are images of beauty.  Beauty is not her cup size, not in the shape of her boobs, lips, legs or ass, or in suggestive positions so perverted assholes can fantasize fucking her.  She then becomes only an object of their perversion and no longer a woman of beauty. Believe me; while the men appreciate the pictures, they have no respect for her as a woman.

When I meet a man and start talking to him, if he asks me about my body, or asks me to send him pictures of myself in a bikini etc., then I instantly lose interest in them because it tells me they are not interested in my true beauty.  There are enough women with low self-esteem out there eager to please their narcissistic need for approval by ignorant assholes, but I’m not one of them.  Don’t get me wrong – when I’m in a relationship with ‘MY’ man, I love to be sexual, playful, flirty, etc., because I can share that part of myself with that man because he already recognized my true beauty.  But if I’m not in a relationship, don’t ask me for pictures of my body you fucking assholes! No, definitely ask me, so that way I know who you truly are and can write you off as anyone valuable in my life.

I post pictures of me smiling quite often because I love and value myself.  Those smiles are for me, to remind me that I matter.  This world can’t do that for me. Someone else can’t do that for me. I have to do it for myself.  I post pictures of the people and things that I love and value.  Someday someone else will post a picture of me, and it will truly be a picture of beauty.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: author T.L. Gray, Blog Post, family, friends, Health & Fitness, Hope, Hurt, Independence, Inspirational, Instructional, Life, love, memes, Muses, Philosophy, Quotes, relationship, respect, Spiritual, T.L. Gray, Writing | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Beautiful Attitude

Beautiful Attitude

I’m so sleepy, I’m literally zoning in and out while I’m sitting at my desk.  I’ve had my coffee… it wasn’t enough.  While I’ve accomplished a lot at work today, I’ve also been sluggish.  But there’s this thought… bits of a conversation from yesterday, that’s been playing in the back of my mind and I’m going to share it here.

While playing Destiny with my gaming clan Omega Victrix Mortalis​, there was this young guy (early twenties) hopped into our fire team and game chat.  He was someone a few of us had met before from a rival clan (gamer tag GasMasked (something like that) fka ToxicGhost). Not that this other clan is a rival, because really they’re not, it’s just one formed from former clan members where the the split wasn’t amenable.

Anyway, he jumped into a fire team with me and my clan leader and we played through some missions and strikes.  No big deal, everybody seemed to be getting along great and we were getting things done.  Now, Gasbag (that’s my new name for him) started talking about the male/female ratio at his college and how his chances of finding chicks to hook up with were in his favor. I didn’t have any problem with what he was saying, but I simply made a statement that it wasn’t really an accomplishment when there was an average of 20 females to each male, and many of girls being eliminated through the process of dismissing awkward geeks that aren’t really in the gene pool or in the running for the guy’s attention.  I simply stated that it would be considered much more of a conquest if the odds were flipped… and there were 20 guys to each female.  There would be more reason to puff out your chest and walk around with a little swagger.

He must have got offended. He made a few comments about ONLY hooking up with supermodel-looking girls (yeah.. all other college kids claim the same thing) and how he had standards.  I’m assuming his standards are not in morality or personality, but in physical appearances only.  So, he threw in that these potential hookups had to be highly intelligent.  So, by his confession, he only hooks up (not date, fall in love or have a relationship with – which makes me wonder WHY they need to be smart?  You don’t have to be smart to have sex, especially with a dumbass… anyway, continuing) – with nerdy supermodels.  Sure, I get it.  That’s every guy’s fantasy.  At least that’s probably the most popular porn scenario.

Anyway, the day went on, he was supposed to go running (for 3 hours he kept saying he wanted to go run but never left), and other members of my online gaming clan joined our party and fire team.  He seemed to have went quiet.  Then, I leave the fire team to join two of my other friends in a particular mission and a few minutes later one of my clan mates tells me that when I left the party with this gasbag in it, he goes on a tirade saying that he couldn’t stand me because of my attitude and how I acted like I was the most beautiful thing in the world, but he thought I was so ugly he wouldn’t even fuck me with a bag over my head.

I laughed. My boys (about a dozen of my clan members ages 10-45 who were in the party with me when I was told what Gasbag had said) also laughed. It was funny.  Perhaps I was supposed to cry?  It’s as if this little prick thought he had any chance in hell of ever hooking up with me, bag or no bag.  But it did get me thinking…  wondering what was it that really got him angry and caused him to lash out like that?  Also, I’d like to say… if you’re in a party chat and you want to cut someone down, it’s not a good idea to do it in a group of people that like and are friends with the person you’re cutting down. Just sayin’. This dude just got blocked by a dozen or so players. I’ll never play with him again.  He’d probably need a bag for that too.

First of all… I wasn’t hitting on this kid.  I was minding my business, hanging out with my friends, completing my missions, etc.  He’s the one that wanted to play and chat with me, or with us.  What was he really angry about?  Sure, I don’t think I’m Megan Fox (the girl of his dreams and according to him all the girls he hooks up with look like her), but I seriously doubt I require a bag. To each his own.  But, why did my ‘ugliness’ offend him so much.  Then I thought about the first words of his rant… it wasn’t about how I looked (that’s how it finished), but it was about how he hated the way I ACTED, confident in myself that I was an intelligent and beautiful woman, but how I was sorely mistaken because he neither found me beautiful nor intelligent… not even fuck worthy with a bag over my head. It seems his intent was to attack my confidence and degrade my self-worth, but why?  Of course his attempts failed because (perhaps due to his age) my confidence and self-worth doesn’t come from what anyone else thinks of me, but from how I feel and think of myself.  Another’s scales are not mine; I have my own set.

This gasbag (I call him this because he’s full of hot air) doesn’t know me and it’s clear that he had no intention of getting to know me.  I don’t care.  But, what he did and the way he spoke about me (he said what he said behind my back, not to my face) is the way I see a lot of guys speak about a lot of girls, and vice versa.  Why does one person feel the need to tear down another?  I’m not talking about not speaking truths that may hurt, but are used to help a person grow in maturity and wisdom, but I’m talking about small talks that are aimed at destroying, hurting, demeaning with an intent to dehumanize and demoralized someone.  Isn’t this world ugly enough already?  Why not see the beauty in a person and lift them up instead?  You don’t know what they might have been going through, what kind of hurts and pains they may have been carrying, what mountain’s they’ve had to climb to get where they are.

I seriously doubt this kid really objectifies women the way he did yesterday, at least I hope he doesn’t.  I hope he finds a good woman that will love him and treat him with kindness, goodness, and generosity so he can see women are much more valuable than serving merely as a hookup.  Some of us just want to be a friend. I didn’t know simply talking to a guy was an audition. Perhaps I’m just too old (another jab he took) and don’t give a shit.  LOL!

Till next time,

~KV Kvothe

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Distorted Image

Distorted Image

Okay, here’s another one of those politically correct moments that really grate on my nerves and has inspired today’s blog post.  I actually had an idea to post something positive and funny today, you know… ‘cause I was in that sort of mood.  But I read an article and that got my thoughts spinning, and that was all well and good.  But then I read the comments concerning the article and the floodgates of ‘ah hell’ have opened.  So, this is sort of a rant.  I apologize in advance, but I’m not sorry for what I’m about to say.  I mean every word.

The article that started this whole thing can be found at this link:

The piece encourages young men to tell young women, especially during their formative and puberty-challenging years, what they find attractive from physical to personality traits in order to help the young women form a more realistic and healthy view of their own bodies.  I found myself nodding my head several times while reading this article.

If you really think about it, the way a girl feels about herself and the level of her attractiveness is dictated by the society around her, all in the effort to attract the young men they interact with.  It’s human nature.  However, the definition of what ‘beauty’ consists of is portrayed by media and social forums, and most of them have really fucked up views of beauty.  They lead many young women to feel bad about themselves due to unrealistic expectations and displays, everyday chipping away at the young women’s self-esteem because they can’t live up to that fantastical image, leading to unhealthy practices, eating disorders, mutilations, etc.

Every woman/girl wants to be attractive and beautiful.  We want to be pleasing to the men in our lives, so we go to great lengths to try and fulfill what we think are the ideals of beauty and sexiness.  What better way to really learn what is truly beautiful and sexy than directly from the men we are trying to please in the first place?  It’s just a thought.

Wait.. I can already hear all the feminists reading this post screeching with.. .”I ain’t trying to please anybody but myself… and “another example of women being told to get our self-esteem from what men think of us. “… yeah, yeah… I know. I’m not disagreeing. I’m a feminist and the first person I try to please before anyone else is ME, including the men in my life.  But, I’m also not lying to myself either and pretending I don’t want to look sexy and have my man drooling all over me.  I’m a woman.  I celebrate being a woman, and as a woman – I want my man to look at me not ONLY with respect and admiration, but lust and desire, and a raw sexual want and need.   I want him to be at times unable to keep his hands off me.  I want to make him growl wanting me, and grunt while having me, and groan when I’m gone. In all reality, that isn’t going to happen unless I’m attractive to him.  So, the ‘smart’ thing to do is find out what he finds attractive and see if that is reasonable and applicable.  Yet, the only sources young women have to try to discover this is found in our social media markets… magazines, television, public displays, etc.  Hearing the truth from the source is always a better idea than a secondary source.

The other thing in these responses that really set me off was a comment, one I’ve heard a million times before so there’s no animosity toward this certain responder,  is: “Though his idea of a girlfriend is that she has to have a model body but also intelligence. I keep telling him he’s looking for a needle in a very big haystack.”

My response: “I really hate the idea that just because you might be beautiful you’re more than likely stupid.  Most beauty comes from confidence… and confidence comes from achievement… and achievement often comes from wisdom, knowledge and determination.  What’s wrong with someone hoping to find a partner that is not only pleasing to the eye but the mind also?  It’s phrases like “looking for a needle in a haystack” that encourages people to compromise on what they want and settle for what they think they can get, or doubt something because it comes in a beautiful package.  I want beautiful AND smart.. because that’s what I want, and I have no bones about saying it. I also think this professor has the right idea.  I don’t think all the males in the world are idiots either and all of them think their perfect woman is some brainless-model-sex-kitten.  That’s their sexual fantasy, but they love real women for different reasons, and I’ve learned its mostly confident women who are honest with them, nurture them, encourage them, and inspire them.  I have a male sexual fantasy, Superman, but I wouldn’t want to have a relationship with him.. or expect any real man to live up to that image.  Nor do I expect any real man to truly expect any real woman to live up to their sexual fantasy.  That’s why it’s called a fantasy.  However, love will beat a fantasy any day.” I would like to add, “…but I’d do all I could to try and live up to his sexual fantasy, because it’d be fun and as a woman I naturally like to please people I love and care about. It pleases me to do it.”

But the whole issue comes down to honesty.  There’s not enough of that in this world.  We live behind our masks.  We lie to the world around us. We listen to the lies around us.  Mostly, we lie to ourselves. And in this politically correct world, we’re often too afraid to speak out in search of that truth in fear of being outcast.  Deception is all we see.  The disguises we wear are all we notice.  And our young women continue to fight through these self-esteem issues with the lies they’re fed and bombarded with every day.  It’s sad how many of them lose that fight and succumb to the peer-pressures and never truly discover the real beauty within them. I mostly feel for our young men who never get to get the opportunity to see that true beauty either, only the distorted image. This whole issue works just as well for men as women in reverse.  But, hey… let’s not talk about it, ‘cause we might hurt someone’s feelings.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: Relationships, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

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