Posts Tagged With: Understanding

Get Me?

Get Me

Someone sent me a meme yesterday and upon first glance I thought it was a clever meme, but didn’t really think much about it.  At least, that’s what I thought.  I was wrong.  The meme:  “Understanding is deeper than knowledge.  There are many who know you, but there are very few who understand you.”

The following bit of banter followed:

Me: “Indeed, I’m sharing that one.”

Him: “I know.”

Me: “I know you know. You know?”

Him: “I know.”

Me: “I like a man that knows what to know.”

Him: “A wise man knows he knows nothing at all.”

Me: “That too is something to know.  Knowing to know nothing is knowing something indeed.”

Him: “Indeed.”

Within an hour of receiving that meme I had more than a dozen deep thoughts.  I mostly considered the people who say they know me, who believe they know me, who once thought they knew me … but how many don’t or didn’t get me. The funny thing is … it’s a person that doesn’t know much of anything about me who gets me most of all. Those who were supposed to love and understand me most in this world, never got even close.

Then, I stumbled upon a song “Gotten” by Adam Levine  and it just hit my soul like a ten-ton elephant.  I can’t shake it.  I can’t get it out of my system.  I’ve cried a dozen times already. I’m crying right now as I’m writing this blog post.

“I’ve been saving …these last words for …one last miracle, but now I’m not sure. I can’t save you if you don’t let me. You just get me …like I’ve never been gotten before.”

I suppose if I have one wish it would be to find someone who truly gets me.  I want to be able to look at them in the eyes, and without having to say a single word, know they get me.  I want to look in their eyes and know… they know.  They know how  I feel, what I think, why I respond the way I do, what I need, what I want, and how much I love them.  I’d also like to do the same. I want to look into a pair of eyes and see love… love for me and all the craziness that I am.  All without words. That’s quite contrary to a person who makes a living with her words.

“I’ve been saving …these last words for …one last miracle, but now I’m not sure. I can’t save you if you don’t let me. You just get me …like I’ve never been gotten before.”

Get me?

~T.L. Gray

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Understanding Humanity

Understanding Humanity

One of the biggest themes in my current WIP is an archangel experiencing and learning about the complexities of humanity.  I’m really curious what he discovers in the end (I haven’t written the ending yet), because the thing that confuses me most is humanity, or more specific  – human emotion and the way we sometimes treat one another. I’m a human, I should understand it, but I don’t.  People confuse the hell out of me.  They’re unpredictable, and quite frankly, disappoint me often.

One of my good friends really loves to ‘tell me like it is’ and sometimes makes a comment that I’m too hard on people and hold them to too high a standard; that I make people feel like they can never please me because I expect too much.  What am I supposed to do with that?  Apologize that I expect people to be decent, to act with goodness and kindness, to make reasonable decisions, to expect them to do and try their best?  Perhaps he’s right.  Perhaps I do hold people to a higher standard, but not something that I don’t hold myself to first.

Some people are just assholes – self-centered egotists, who can’t get their head’s out of their asses long enough to think about other people.  They’re often miserable in their quest for success or domination, but it only makes them end up alone or surrounded with people just as shallow as they are – now, that I find very sad.  Most of the time they don’t understand why they feel empty or like shit, because they’re not thinking about what they’re pouring into themselves or into the lives of the people that come into their circle.  What  you eat, what you read, what you watch, what you participate in, what your habits are – that’s what makes you who you are, determines how you feel, and creates the atmosphere in which you live.  If you only consider yourself and what YOU want – you’re not sharing yourself with the people around you, therefore you won’t enjoy the fruits of their true friendship.  You get the semblance of a friendship.  But a true friendship is an invaluable treasure.  All those fake friends don’t mean shit and will scatter like the wind if  you actually ever needed any of them.

I love my friends and I have some of the best friends in the world because they genuinely care about me.  They love me, and I love them more than I could ever express to them.  They share their fears, hopes, complaints, and aspirations with me, and provide an ear and support for me to share mine.  That’s what friendship is – and exchange of who we are as human beings.  It can’t be all give or take – or else it’s not a real friendship.

I’d rather have one true friend than a thousand acquaintances.  I do truly believe in the golden rule – that we should treat others as we want to be treated.  But think about that – would you want to be treated the way you treat others?  Would you want to be treated with disrespect, indifference, arrogance, selfishness, contempt, prejudice, etc.  Would you want to be played, lied to, cheated on, hurt, abused, or used?  Would you want to be ignored, bullied, or just thrown away?

Be careful how you treat others.  Try to understand humanity.  Karma is a bitch. You want friends, be a friend.  You want love, love.  You want happiness, spread happiness.  You want life – live.  And for those cancers that come into your life and try to drag you down with their negativity, prejudice, arrogance, and selfishness – give them an opportunity to change, but if they don’t, cut them out like a cancerous tumor lest they kill you both.

I’m a very rich woman because I have a few true great friends.

Till next time,

~A Grateful Friend

Categories: Blog Post, Inspirational, Musing, Philosophy, Quotes, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Complicated Simplicity

How much pain can a person truly handle before they break?  A person can break, I’ve seen it, experienced it, and am not convinced once broken we can ever be whole again.  But can we survive?

The hardest part of my faith for me is to trust that God will not allow more than I can handle.  That is His promise.  That is a promise I don’t understand.  It seems simple enough, but complexity and simplicity often happen at the same time.  Complicated Simplicity. What an oxymoron.

I’ve looked into the eyes of a person and saw fire – flames of life burning in them so bright they can’t help but make the world around them sparkle with hope, joy, laughter. It’s easy to believe in those moments in that promise.

I’ve also looked into a pair of eyes and witnessed such pain and depravation and literally watched the color of their irises dull and their whole countenance pale in despair. This is when we hope for that promise most of all.

I’ve also looked into a pair of eyes as their souls slipped away and death consumed them. It’s not something that can really be explained, nor is it something I would recommend.  Where is the promise here?

All these experiences leave behind scars… a tendril of essence that becomes recognizable when you see it operating in all the other sets of eyes in the world.  I truly do believe the eyes are the windows to a person’s soul.  I want to hold onto that promise, but I doubt, and I waiver, and I fear.

When my walls are up I avoid allowing people to look into my eyes.  When my walls are down I seek as much eye contact as possible. Our bodies can lie.  Our mouths can lie.  Our hands can lie.  Our thoughts can lie.  Our feelings are often the biggest liars of all.  But the eyes… the eyes can’t lie.  In this new technological world, it’s becoming easier to lie because we feel comfortable behind our screens.  Black font replaces our attempts to conceal our eyes, mostly from ourselves.  Again, another example of Complicated Simplicity.

 What complicated-simple truth would my eyes say today?  I’m reminded of a quote from my first published novel where Cain rolls over, away from the fire, away from the view of his new friend.  Tears spill out the corner of his eyes and he whispers, “No more.  I can bear no more.” Unlike my character Cain, I’m not immortal. I can break.

There was a moment when I opened my eyes this morning.  A brief moment – where time stood still and the universe turned toward me, and waited for an answer.  I had a choice.  Live or leave.  Fight or give up.  All thoughts left my mind.  All feeling left my body. Then I heard my spirit singing the soft echo of a song I haven’t heard in years from a group called Switchfoot …. http://youtu.be/jE-Krlqi4fk

Welcome to the planet.

Welcome to existence.

Everyone’s here.  Everyone’s here.

Everybody’s watching you now.

Everybody waits for you now.

What happens next?  What happens next?

 

I dare you to move!

I dare you to move!

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor!

I dare you to move!

I dare you to move!

Like today never happened, today never happened before.

 

Welcome to the fall out.

Welcome to resistance.

The tension is here.  The tension is here.

Between who you are and who you could be.

Between how it is and how it should be.

 

I dare you to move!

I dare you to move!

I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor!

I dare you to move!

I dare you to move!

Like today never happened, today never happened before.

 

Maybe redemption has stories to tell.

Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Where you gonna go?  Where you gonna go?

Salvation is here.

 

I moved.  I got up. I put my feet on the floor.  I breathed.   So complex, yet so simple. Today, I’m still broken but I’m alive.  So, yesterday was not more than I could handle. I’m not saying I handled it well, just that I survived.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

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Unlimited Mysteries

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“There are unlimited mysteries waiting to be discovered among our stars, within our atoms, and to everything between and beyond.  Yet, the biggest mysteries of all are not anything that can be learned – they must be felt.”~ T.L. Gray

 

I’m a facts and figures nerd.  I like to know how things work, where things come from, what are the results, reactions and consequences to every thing, every choice, every action.  I try to see beyond the obvious and read between the lines.  Needless to say – this has led to some great discoveries, but it’s also led to some painful truths.

But, it’s those other mysteries I can’t figure out.  While I may not know all the secrets to the universe, and understand that I’ve only begun to understand this vast universe to which I’m a part, there are things within and around us that I don’t think will and can ever be defined – not in its fullness or entirety.

What are these undefinable facts, truths and mysteries?  Faith, Hope and Love.

All three of the these things defy logic. They are as unique to each of us, as we are to each other – meaning that their meanings change from person to person, yet they still hold to some universal understandings.  The very things that make us unique, our experiences, our culture, our personalities help shape and filter the understanding we each have of these three things.

I only want to focus on one at the moment… love.  We try to set rules, boundaries, reasoning and logic… yet I find case after case, example after example of exceptions. I get it WRONG… all the time!  Yet my failure to identify, explain, or justify doesn’t change the fact that I feel and experience it.  It is most often the source of my greatest joy and my worst pain.  It doesn’t apply to the situations I want.  It feels what I don’t want it to feel, for who I don’t choose, when I don’t choose it. I have no control to turn it on or off, and even sometimes I don’t realize it’s been activated until an absence reveals what my mind never acknowledged.

Love has really caused some major difficulties for me lately.  It refuses to leave a place that often causes me a lot of pain, and showed up unexpectedly somewhere else.  I didn’t see it, would have vehemently denied it, but now that there’s an absence… a hole… I feel the empty vacuum, as if the earth has went off balance and my thoughts are muddled… and I have to say… it really hurts. Had I seen it, recognized it, acknowledged it, perhaps I could have made different choices.   Someone recently called me stupid for some of the thoughts I have on love.  I think they might be right.  Now, that leaves room for the other two immeasurable mysteries to play a part… Hope and Faith.  But whatever you do, don’t ask me to define them.  I can’t.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: Blog Post, Inspirational, Instructional, Musing, Philosophy, Romantic, Spiritual, Uncategorized, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Lack of Understanding

I’m having an Ecclesiastical kind of morning, with heavy thoughts running through my mind. There’s been one particular thought that’s been on my heart for a while, but I have no idea of what to do about it. So, I’ve decided to share it here. Perhaps one of the blog readers can find use for it, or perhaps in time I’ll receive the understanding I’m searching for.

Here’s the thought: I look around me and notice that in our fast-paced world, in a time of history where we exist with instant access, a wealth of information at our fingertips, technology moving so fast we can’t keep up, and I wonder what could be the true cost – because there’s always a cost for everything. Amid IM’s, Tweets and FB posts, I can see some of the costs are a lack of face to face interaction, discretion, and privacy. So what is the cost for receiving new information in an instant?

I have a feeling it’s a loss of truth, a distortion of history, thereby leaving a generation without a firm foundation, and losing the full power of the new revelations. Because when opposition and tribulation come, and we’re tested in our discoveries, if we don’t have a true foundation, our walls crumble. That doesn’t mean the revelation we received was wrong, only our foundation to which we applied it.

I’m reminds of what George Santayana once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”—Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner’s, 1905, p. 28

The words I keep hearing repeated over and over again in my heart are, “My people perish because of their lack of understanding.”

Understanding what? Our lives are messy, confusing and filled with so much contradiction – what hope do we have to see a clear path? I fear only a small one. I’m reminded of a proverb from Ecclesiastes 2:16 – “For there is no more remembrance of the wise than of the fool forever, since all that now is will be forgotten in the days to come. And how does a wise man die? As the fool!” Forgetting what was – changes what is – and transforms what will be.

We are a society of short memories. We have conditioned ourselves to live in the moment and forget about the lessons learned in the past. I know this to be the truth, because society continually repeats those same mistakes over and again.

It’s not enough to just know the names, places, dates and common quotes of our past, both individually and as a society. We must, if we choose to break the insanity (that’s doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result – per Albert Einstein), learn the reasoning, the intent, and then scrutinize the outcome of our history – building for ourselves a true foundation, so that when we apply our new revelations to something, they won’t crumble during the process of activation.

We’ve become too dependent on other people’s understanding in our ability to Google the answers to our questions, but we don’t take the time to learn the truth for ourselves. I see it everywhere, in every area of life. In church, the congregation depends on the Pastor to study the foundational truths of the faith they claim, but don’t take the time to search it out for themselves in their own study. That’s why when tribulation comes into their lives, their foundations fall and they turn away from their faith all together, seeing fallacy in the faith, instead of themselves. In writers, I see too many artists not even bother to learn the basic skills of editing, paying someone else to do the ‘work’ for them, but when the time comes where they find themselves alone and need to put their pens to paper, they falter – and often never pick up another pen. In the world, our society quickly forgets the sacrifices others have paid to get us where we are, and because of ignorance of that history, quickly give away and squander what millions had fought and given their lives for. We eat what we’re fed, instead of learning to feed ourselves. In the end, because we’ve forgotten what has come before, we die as fools.

Okay, now do you understand why I have no idea what to do with this train of thought? I don’t even want to begin trying to understand what it all means. My head hurts now just trying to get it on this blog post. So, if you didn’t understand it, you’re not alone. I’m so glad I’m about to lose myself into fiction while writing a few pages of my latest fantasy novel. Sometimes reality is just too heavy to deal with. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have fiction into which to escape. I don’t know how those people who don’t like to read, or who don’t read fiction, function. To me, too much ‘reality’ would be boring and obsessively depressing. I thank God for my healthy imagination.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

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