Posts Tagged With: Wisdom

Do It Anyway

do-it-anyway

They say that wisdom comes with age. I’m not so sure that it’s only an age thing, but a combination of that and experience.  Life’s lessons aren’t just lessons learned as Father Time ticks away the years, because I’ve met many older people who’ve led very sheltered and narrow-minded lives, and never learned a damned thing. However, experience alone doesn’t grant us this wisdom either, because I’ve also seen some people who have experienced some tragic and great things, yet still never learned anything, either.

So, what is the key to wisdom?  I think it might have something to do with learning from the experiences we’ve had throughout time.  Not that we can learn everything, because no matter how much we try, we are fallible humans.  Everything we do learn, or are exposed to, is filtered through our level of understanding.  For some that level is higher, more open, and allows more to filter through, while others have smaller holes, and very little gets through.  Our filters are made up of our preconceived ideas, theologies, cultural influences, regional inspirations, religious teachings, parental guidance or lack thereof. Our filters come from the pain we’ve experienced, and the joys of pleasure.  My filter has some very small holes, as well as some very large ones.  But, have I learned anything?

Love is an enigma.  It’s the one thing I’ve pursued harder than anything in my life. It’s also the one thing I’ve ran from faster, and has eluded me more times than I could count.  It seems just when I find it, it’s taken away from me.  It’s like the biggest cosmic joke.  I’m so afraid to be happy, because just when I find happiness, it’s taken from me – first by death, then by cancer, and recently by … well, I’m still not sure what happened. It’s the most confusing of all.

So, what can I do?  Though I’m scared. Though I’m confused. Though my filters are all messed up. Though my faith is weak.  Though my heart is one big fucking mangled mess… I do it anyway.

I dare to hope, when I see no hope.

I dare to dream, even when my dreams are filled with nightmares.

I dare to smile, even when I feel like dying inside.

I dare to sing, even when my voice is cracked or hindered by the big knot in it.

I dare to love, even when I’m not loved in return.

This is the thing I’ve learned.  I could choose to hate, and be angry, and feel sorry for myself.  That’s easy.  I could hold grudges, return pain for pain, be vindictive, and be selfish.  That too is easy. These are the actions of the weak-minded, selfish, shallow, and deplorable.  They only breed onto themselves and cause more of what hurt them in the first place.  These become the ugly monsters in the universe, spreading their disease like a zombie. Once infected, they spread their hate to everyone else that dares to love or get close to them. I choose to be different.  I’d carry pain to keep from causing pain. I’d give everything I had to prevent someone else’s suffering.  I choose to give the very things I need most in my life. Because I know, that I know, that I know – because I’ve learned – the only hope I have is to give love if I ever hope to receive it. Real love. Not this imitation bullshit called passion, chemistry and infatuation.  Those are nice, but only temporary and vain.  Though most of the world accepts that vanity, and never moves beyond it, confusing it for love, I can’t. I’ve felt the real thing, so I can’t accept the imitation. If I have to sit across the table from a thousand men, or ten thousand men, I hope to someday look into a pair of eyes and see the love I’ve been waiting for, that I’ve been sending out into the universe, hoping and praying it makes its way back to me.  And if not… then I leave this world having sown love, hope, joy, goodness and kindness… so that maybe someone else doesn’t only meet made monsters.

This song sums it up perfectly.

Do It Anyway – Martina McBride

You could spend your whole life building something from nothing, and a storm could come and blow it all away… build it anyway.

You could chase a dream that seems so out of reach, and you know it might not ever come your way… dream it anyway.

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good. And when I pray, it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should… but I do it anyway. I do it anyway.

This world’s gone crazy and it’s hard to believe that tomorrow will be better than today… believe it anyway.

You could love someone with all your heart for all the right reasons, and a moment they could choose to walk away… love ‘em anyway.

God is great, but sometimes life ain’t good. And when I pray, it doesn’t always turn out like I think it should… but I do it anyway. I do it anyway.

You could pour your soul out singing a song you believe in, but tomorrow they’ll forget you ever sang… sing it anyway.  Sing it anyway.

I sing, I dream, I love ….anyway.

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Unlimited Mysteries

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“There are unlimited mysteries waiting to be discovered among our stars, within our atoms, and to everything between and beyond.  Yet, the biggest mysteries of all are not anything that can be learned – they must be felt.”~ T.L. Gray

 

I’m a facts and figures nerd.  I like to know how things work, where things come from, what are the results, reactions and consequences to every thing, every choice, every action.  I try to see beyond the obvious and read between the lines.  Needless to say – this has led to some great discoveries, but it’s also led to some painful truths.

But, it’s those other mysteries I can’t figure out.  While I may not know all the secrets to the universe, and understand that I’ve only begun to understand this vast universe to which I’m a part, there are things within and around us that I don’t think will and can ever be defined – not in its fullness or entirety.

What are these undefinable facts, truths and mysteries?  Faith, Hope and Love.

All three of the these things defy logic. They are as unique to each of us, as we are to each other – meaning that their meanings change from person to person, yet they still hold to some universal understandings.  The very things that make us unique, our experiences, our culture, our personalities help shape and filter the understanding we each have of these three things.

I only want to focus on one at the moment… love.  We try to set rules, boundaries, reasoning and logic… yet I find case after case, example after example of exceptions. I get it WRONG… all the time!  Yet my failure to identify, explain, or justify doesn’t change the fact that I feel and experience it.  It is most often the source of my greatest joy and my worst pain.  It doesn’t apply to the situations I want.  It feels what I don’t want it to feel, for who I don’t choose, when I don’t choose it. I have no control to turn it on or off, and even sometimes I don’t realize it’s been activated until an absence reveals what my mind never acknowledged.

Love has really caused some major difficulties for me lately.  It refuses to leave a place that often causes me a lot of pain, and showed up unexpectedly somewhere else.  I didn’t see it, would have vehemently denied it, but now that there’s an absence… a hole… I feel the empty vacuum, as if the earth has went off balance and my thoughts are muddled… and I have to say… it really hurts. Had I seen it, recognized it, acknowledged it, perhaps I could have made different choices.   Someone recently called me stupid for some of the thoughts I have on love.  I think they might be right.  Now, that leaves room for the other two immeasurable mysteries to play a part… Hope and Faith.  But whatever you do, don’t ask me to define them.  I can’t.

Till next time,

~T.L. Gray

Categories: Blog Post, Inspirational, Instructional, Musing, Philosophy, Romantic, Spiritual, Uncategorized, Writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Lack of Understanding

I’m having an Ecclesiastical kind of morning, with heavy thoughts running through my mind. There’s been one particular thought that’s been on my heart for a while, but I have no idea of what to do about it. So, I’ve decided to share it here. Perhaps one of the blog readers can find use for it, or perhaps in time I’ll receive the understanding I’m searching for.

Here’s the thought: I look around me and notice that in our fast-paced world, in a time of history where we exist with instant access, a wealth of information at our fingertips, technology moving so fast we can’t keep up, and I wonder what could be the true cost – because there’s always a cost for everything. Amid IM’s, Tweets and FB posts, I can see some of the costs are a lack of face to face interaction, discretion, and privacy. So what is the cost for receiving new information in an instant?

I have a feeling it’s a loss of truth, a distortion of history, thereby leaving a generation without a firm foundation, and losing the full power of the new revelations. Because when opposition and tribulation come, and we’re tested in our discoveries, if we don’t have a true foundation, our walls crumble. That doesn’t mean the revelation we received was wrong, only our foundation to which we applied it.

I’m reminds of what George Santayana once said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”—Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner’s, 1905, p. 28

The words I keep hearing repeated over and over again in my heart are, “My people perish because of their lack of understanding.”

Understanding what? Our lives are messy, confusing and filled with so much contradiction – what hope do we have to see a clear path? I fear only a small one. I’m reminded of a proverb from Ecclesiastes 2:16 – “For there is no more remembrance of the wise than of the fool forever, since all that now is will be forgotten in the days to come. And how does a wise man die? As the fool!” Forgetting what was – changes what is – and transforms what will be.

We are a society of short memories. We have conditioned ourselves to live in the moment and forget about the lessons learned in the past. I know this to be the truth, because society continually repeats those same mistakes over and again.

It’s not enough to just know the names, places, dates and common quotes of our past, both individually and as a society. We must, if we choose to break the insanity (that’s doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result – per Albert Einstein), learn the reasoning, the intent, and then scrutinize the outcome of our history – building for ourselves a true foundation, so that when we apply our new revelations to something, they won’t crumble during the process of activation.

We’ve become too dependent on other people’s understanding in our ability to Google the answers to our questions, but we don’t take the time to learn the truth for ourselves. I see it everywhere, in every area of life. In church, the congregation depends on the Pastor to study the foundational truths of the faith they claim, but don’t take the time to search it out for themselves in their own study. That’s why when tribulation comes into their lives, their foundations fall and they turn away from their faith all together, seeing fallacy in the faith, instead of themselves. In writers, I see too many artists not even bother to learn the basic skills of editing, paying someone else to do the ‘work’ for them, but when the time comes where they find themselves alone and need to put their pens to paper, they falter – and often never pick up another pen. In the world, our society quickly forgets the sacrifices others have paid to get us where we are, and because of ignorance of that history, quickly give away and squander what millions had fought and given their lives for. We eat what we’re fed, instead of learning to feed ourselves. In the end, because we’ve forgotten what has come before, we die as fools.

Okay, now do you understand why I have no idea what to do with this train of thought? I don’t even want to begin trying to understand what it all means. My head hurts now just trying to get it on this blog post. So, if you didn’t understand it, you’re not alone. I’m so glad I’m about to lose myself into fiction while writing a few pages of my latest fantasy novel. Sometimes reality is just too heavy to deal with. I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have fiction into which to escape. I don’t know how those people who don’t like to read, or who don’t read fiction, function. To me, too much ‘reality’ would be boring and obsessively depressing. I thank God for my healthy imagination.

Till next time,
~T.L. Gray

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